Day: January 31, 2023

When it comes to releasing people from your life, Ariana Grande has the perfect message in her song “Thank U, next.” She lets go of her ex-boyfriends by thanking them for the lessons they taught her and then focuses on self-love. This is a textbook response to a complicated situation. Getting to that level of acceptance is easier said than done especially when emotions run high in personal and professional relationships. 

Understanding when a relationship has run its course or needs a modification and how to let go of another person is the third part in this series: Six Things We Need to Learn to Let Go Of to Live a More Balanced Life (based on the philosophy of Taoism):

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

Relationships are highly complex, and I am not just referring to the romantic type. We depend on other people throughout our lives. Whether it is our parents who are responsible for our well-being while growing up, classmates and later peers who are learning along with us, teachers, managers, and mentors, who are supposed to be role models, or romantic partners sharing our lives with us. No matter what type of relationship we have with other human beings they can become a challenge when they get out of balance because we have NO CONTROL over other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

We do, however, have control over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. We also have control over how we want to handle any relationship, including the one with ourselves (you can let go of “the old you” that you have outgrown), when they have reached a point of becoming unhealthy. 

My first piece of advice is to know, establish, and communicate your boundaries. This is something women struggle with more so than men because we are frequently raised as people pleasers. Note that your boundaries speak volumes about your level of self-worth. For more details on boundaries and self-worth see these previous articles I’ve written: https://belladonnacareercoach.com/a-common-struggle-for-women-in-the-workplace-setting-boundaries/ and https://belladonnacareercoach.com/how-to-boost-your-feelings-of-self-worth/

Secondly, know that you always have a choice when it comes to handling difficult relationships. These are the five options that are available to you at any given time:

1) Remain a victim of it

2) Leave it

3) Accept it as it is

4) Change it

5) Change your perspective on it

Since this article focuses on leaving a relationship and letting go of it, let’s take a look at how you can healthily do this: 

• Once you made the decision, stick with it. No floundering
• Communicate that you are leaving the relationship with clear words and actions
• Have a plan for enforcing new boundaries under the new terms
• Reflect upon your learnings and move on (the thank-you-next-attitude)

Many people stay in relationships both personal and professional way beyond their expiration date. I know I have. The reason for that is usually fear of the unknown or fear of not finding something or someone to replace what we have. Trust me when I say, that releasing people who are hurting you is healthy and will contribute to inner transformation. 

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: Seek, Outline, Awaken and Relearn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.