Day: May 16, 2023

The scope of my coaching clients ranges from individual contributors and newly appointed managers to experienced executive leaders. While they all have their own unique challenges, there are many recurring themes in each of these roles:

• • Struggling to openly show who they are and what they value
  • Sharing knowledge and best practices
  • Dealing with difficult employees
  • Having work/life balance
  • Integrating team members
  • Tolerating other perspectives

Leading ourselves and others is not always easy, especially when we are not taught how to lead effectively and are attempting to figure it out through trial and error. That is where coaching comes in. It supports you by raising the level of awareness and shortening the learning curve by providing tools and a safe space to develop new soft skills in a judgment-free zone. 

I thought sharing some basic coaching tools to enhance your leadership abilities would be useful.

The first tool is listening. Frequently, leaders are only listening with one ear, having the answers to the questions already in their head, and quickly dismissing contributions that might be off the mark or at least not what they wanted to hear. Not only will team members pick up on this, but they are also likely to keep answers to themselves going forward out of fear of being exposed, discredited, or rejected. This can cost the leader valuable input when making decisions. 

Active listening is the only way to stay fully present in a conversation. When executed well, it will provide the leader with the information they may have otherwise missed, and it builds trust within the team when people feel they are being heard and understood. 

Active listening is a building block towards empathy and compassion because people will only open up and be vulnerable when they know that what they are saying is being met with understanding. 

Here is how to practice becoming a better listener:

1. Remove disturbances
2. Avoid interrupting
3. Paraphrase what you heard
4. Pick up on non-verbal clues
5. Ask empowering questions

Let’s dig deeper into each of these practices.

1. Remove disturbances

Whether you are in a team meeting, or someone walks into your office for a quick conversation, take your fingers off your keyboard or your cell phone and focus on the other person. In meetings have a “no display policy”, where computers remain closed, and phones are face down unless needed for research or presenting.

2. Avoid interrupting

Let the other person finish their thoughts and sentences without interrupting them. This may not always be feasible, especially when your counterpart likes to hear themselves talk or goes down a rabbit hole, but interrupting should be the exception and not the rule.

3. Paraphrase what you heard

Summarize what was said by saying something like “what I heard you say…”, “my understanding is..”, or “it sounds like…” this lets the other person know that you heard them and gives them the opportunity to confirm or deny

4. Pick up on non-verbal clues

A person’s body language and facial expression tell you a lot about their emotional state, and it is perfectly okay to acknowledge your observation by stating it. For example, “I can see your excitement about this by your big smile” or “I can tell that you are frustrated by the tension in your voice”

5. Ask empowering questions

To get the full picture of what your team member is sharing, avoid closed-ended questions that will only give you a “yes” or “no” response, which is limiting. Instead ask questions with curiosity that start with “when”, “what” or “how”. I have written an article about empowering questions in the past, if you are interested in learning more about this topic (https://belladonnacareercoach.com/the-art-of-asking-empowering-questions/)

Active listening is complex and requires practice, especially in a world full of distractions. However, once you master it the benefits are rewarding beyond your imagination. Let me know how it goes and if you need help practicing, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.