It is common for clients, family members, and friends to vent about encounters with their managers, co-workers, other family members, or friends because someone stepped on their proverbial toes. The effect? Hurt, sadness, anger, or frustration. The cause? Someone in their social network just triggered a stress reaction that drained them of their energy. 

How frequently does it happen to you? How often do you allow others to take away your power? If it happens pretty often (more than once or twice a week), it might be time for you to take stock of who you surround yourself with and re-assess your options regarding those relationships. 

This article is the fifth in a series I created to help you optimize your environment, achieve a higher quality of life, and reach peak performance. The Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) identified six major stressors, a.k.a. influencers, that can rob us of energy: 

1. Spiritual
2. Mental
3. Emotional
4. Physical
5. Social
6. Environmental

In contrast to the first four potential stressors we covered (spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical), the social influencer is externally oriented as it is all about our relationship with others.

Especially in a professional environment, we cannot always choose the people we interact with. We may be assigned teams, managers, or clients, and some individuals or groups may be difficult or toxic. This can be extremely challenging to deal with. I have experienced this first-hand, and if you are going through this, I highly recommend you seek help from internal resources such as your HR department or external resources such as a coach or counselor. 

I want to focus on two aspects of relationships:

a) The type of relationships we choose and the people we surround ourselves with

b) The choices we have in how we are dealing with challenging relationships

a)  Type of relationships we choose

If I asked you to make a list of the ten people you spend the most time with at work or home and then rank the quality of these relationships on a scale of 1-10, with one being toxic and 10 fueling you with energy and joy, what would be your overall tally? How do you choose your relationships in the first place? What are your criteria? What do you have in common, and how is the relationship serving you? The answer to these questions tells a lot about your self-worth and how much you honor your values.

b)   Choices we have in dealing with challenging relationships

We all encounter challenging relationships that cause both inner and outer conflict. What if I told you that you always control how you approach these trying situations? In any given relationship, we have five options on how to approach them:

1) Remain a victim of it

2) Leave it

3) Accept it as is

4) Change it

5) Change your perspective on it

Would you be surprised to hear that most people are only aware of option #1 and therefore choose to remain the victim of a relationship that drains them rather than take action? Inactivity is usually fear-based. It paralyzes us and leaves us internally bruised. It is the unhealthiest of all options. I encourage you to entertain options 2-5 to improve your relationships and thus your quality of life.

The truth is when it comes to relationships and our social networks, we have more power than what is commonly believed. We choose the majority of our social networks in our life, and even those relationships that are seemingly out of our control, such as our family connections or work affiliates, include basic elements that we do control. 

As a professional coach, I can help you take stock of who you have on your support team and help you decide who is worth keeping to protect your highest vibration and who you might want to distance or remove yourself from. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.