How many times today have you had a thought or started a sentence with “I should have”? It is generally followed by a heavy feeling in your gut that you didn’t choose your actions wisely. Perhaps you had intentions to spend more time with your kids or spouse last weekend, or you regret not having prepared for a conversation with your manager and walked away from that meeting feeling incompetent and deflated. If any of this sounds familiar, you might have constant “guilt trips” that get in your way.

Guilt occurs when we believe that we have crossed some kind of moral boundary and violated rules or values. In hindsight, we believe we should have acted differently than we did and we are ashamed of our actions and what they might say about us. For example, if you didn’t spend as much time with your kids as you wanted, you might tell yourself that you are a bad parent. 

We all experience different levels of feeling guilty at home or work. It is an ongoing battle that I frequently observe among my clients and have also experienced first-hand. The challenge is to not allow those thoughts to hijack you but to find ways to let go and move on with a positive attitude so that you can return to a state of balance and productivity. 

Here are a few thoughts on what you can do differently the next time you feel guilty. 

• If you feel that your actions or non-actions have hurt another person, ask for forgiveness, and forgive yourself
• Question your standards and values. Are you being unnecessarily hard on yourself? Maybe you can find a middle path that better serves you
• Give yourself some grace and space and know that we are all doing the best we can at any given moment
• Increase your awareness about your negative inner dialogue and keep track of the number of times you think “I should have”. Keep a journal about those thoughts
• Question The Truth – how true is what you are telling yourself about yourself? Chances are it is not true. Find evidence of the contrary
• Ask yourself what you are learning from the situation and what you might do differently next time
• Lastly, drop the guilt and move on

I hope that you find these tips helpful the next time you are going on a “guilt-trip”. Being conscious about your actions and how they may impact you and others is healthy. Beating yourself up constantly over things that do not matter in the long run is not. If you need help putting things into perspective, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.