Do you like doing things yourself rather than depending on others to get the job done?  Do you spend time trying to convince others to do certain things or to do things in a certain way? Do you get frustrated or anxious when you are not getting your way?  You might not be recognizing these tendencies in you, but just ask your co-workers if they see these traits.  If they answer these questions with a resounding “yes”, you might have a reputation as someone who likes to micromanage or always have your hand on the “controls”.

Working or living with a controlling person is not pleasant.  Other people are in a perpetual state of fear of the potential tantrums, disappointment they display, and criticism they voice when situations do not have the desired outcome.  It is impossible to please a controlling person.  Being controlling equally has a toll on the controller.  They are living in constant anxiety and their behavior has detrimental consequences in all areas of their lives. In particular with their personal and professional relationships as well as their mental health.

Is there hope for the controller to change?  Absolutely, IF they recognize that their behavior is not serving them and IF they desire change.  There are three necessary steps to take to weaken the inner saboteur that wants to control every situation and every person:

1. Awareness
2. Acceptance
3. Choice

Let’s review each of these steps in a bit more detail:

Awareness

The controller needs to reach a level of awareness about the impact their behavior has on themselves and others.  Once they recognize that a different path may lead to a more satisfying career and life, they are ready to act.

Acceptance

Acceptance relates to the controller’s willingness to let go of things they cannot control and to strictly focus on their own thoughts, feelings, and actions.  I recently posted an illustration of what is in our control vs. what is not, and it resonated with many people.