Dealing with conflict

It seems to happen more frequently than in the past and everywhere you go.  People are at each other’s throats, yelling insults or threats, sometimes even becoming physically aggressive.  While the reasons for an increase in altercations at work may be multi-faceted, even the Harvard Business Review acknowledges that conflict resolution is a must-have skill for managers in 2024 (https://hbr.org/2024/01/9-trends-that-will-shape-work-in-2024-and-beyond).

But how does one develop the ability to resolve conflict?  I frequently encounter this question with my coaching clients when they come to a call with their emotions running high after an argument at work.  Suppose these arguments occur frequently and are around a particular topic, such as work/life balance and needing time for oneself. In that case, finding a path to a solution can be very stressful and challenging, but it is not impossible.

Let me share some dos and don’ts about how to resolve difficult conversations and conflicts. Let’s start with what not to do.

Don’ts in Conflict Management

• Be disrespectful to the other party and attack personality traits
• Interrupt others when they are speaking
• Counter-arguing and utilize “yes, but” frequently
• Raise your voice
• Bring up past conflicts
• Take sides when multiple parties are involved
• Avoid conflict altogether
• “Pull rank” and leverage a position of power

Instead, I suggest utilizing common coaching techniques to resolve a conflict.

Dos in Conflict Management

• Actively listen and acknowledge what the other person says
• Show empathy for others, their experience, feelings, and perspective
• Ask open-ended empowering questions with curiosity
• Focus on common goals and solutions
• Utilize “I-statements” to share observations and needs
• Concentrate on facts and the truth rather than opinions

Conflict resolution skills are not intrinsic or intuitive.  They need to be practiced just like any other skill. It requires getting out of one’s comfort zone to achieve positive outcomes for yourself and those you are responsible for.

If you want to learn more about the subject and how I can help you become a better leader, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.  I help professionals transform mindfully and with ease through my signature coaching program called “SOAR” so that you can soar in all areas of your life.