Repeat after me: “No”. Say it again. “No!”.  How does that feel? Does it feel awkward and uncomfortable?  If it does, you are not alone and it is understandable because many women feel guilty and afraid of setting boundaries, especially in the workplace.  

Women are generally raised to be people pleasers.  We fear conflict, judgment, and rejection more than most men.  We’d rather juggle multiple balls between our jobs, career aspirations, our families’ and friends’ needs, while putting our own needs last.  We’d rather risk compromising our health and well-being over the fear of saying “no”, or having the difficult conversation with our managers about changing working conditions that serve us as much as our employers.

I speak of personal experience, and I keep hearing about this struggle as a recurring theme from my coaching clients. This inspired me to share my knowledge and provide you with a few tips on how to set healthy boundaries. 

My job as a Vice President in multi-billion-dollar organizations was demanding.  I managed large, global teams over multiple continents and time zones.  My travel volume was extensive to the point that my own dog knew his dog sitter better than me.  The goals were set high, and I was willing to make personal sacrifices to serve the organization.  Until I had nothing left to give.

After an organizational change, the expectations to transform our functional area, while cutting costs and resources, managing multiple workstreams, and helping team members transition into new roles and responsibilities, became insurmountable.  I was close to a complete burn-out, yet still so committed to the well-being of my team that I started pushing back; more so on their behalf than on my own. 

We were summoned to a team meeting that was scheduled in Europe over Memorial Day weekend.  Plans for family gatherings and barbeques (pre-COVID) were already made and my direct reports were asking me “Seriously?” Those who know me consider my communication style highly professional, polite, and composed.  I pointed out to my manager that asking the team to travel to that meeting would mean sacrificing the entire Holiday weekend with their families. My plead was not well received.

There were multiple other occasions when my push-back either fell on deaf ears or was interpreted as being “negative” or “not engaged”. For example, when I declined to attend a Zoom meeting that was scheduled from 3-6 AM. I initially thought that someone made an error in calculating the time difference, so I didn’t attend the meeting.  Or another time, when I was asked to fill three open positions within six weeks, and I gave pushback on this unattainable timeline.  

My values of “family”, “leadership”, and “truth” were no longer in line with the vision of the leaders of the organization, and I was relieved when we parted ways. 

Just because my story of how to set boundaries ended in separation from my employer, does not mean that yours will.  My point is that reasonable managers will have a vested interest in accommodating their employees and work out win/win situations.  I also believe that COVID contributed to a more open mindset on what constitutes effective working conditions.