“Hi, how are you today?” is such a standard salutation in the U.S. that no one gives its meaning or response much thought. Whether you are greeting your barista at your favorite coffee shop, the dogwalker, your child’s babysitter, or your co-workers throughout the day. We merely expect to receive a brief “I am well, how about you?” in return. 

In other cultures, the use of language can be more literal. For example, in my native country Germany, people would feel obliged to answer the question “how are you?” truthfully and with much detail. They would probably tell you about their health, wealth, or lack thereof, as well as how their family is doing.  Of course, no one has time for that, especially in the workspace where every minute is accounted for, and expressing feelings makes people uncomfortable.

Imagine a (corporate) world, where both were possible – quick mental health check-ins and effective communication about one’s feelings and connections at a deeper level.  What do you believe could happen when people no longer needed to hide behind the standard response of “I am fine” and instead found a safe space to acknowledge that today they are not?  When do managers learn the skills to validate and acknowledge uncomfortable expressions of feelings such as anger, sadness, grief, or frustration?  I believe it would be the kind of place that would attract key talent and retain it, for no one would want to leave because everyone is seen as a complete human being. Not just someone performing a job. 

Creating a culture where employees connect and can express their feelings in a safe, yet professional way is entirely possible.  It starts at the top.  Leaders who can see the value of connecting with their employees at a deeper level need to teach their organizations three simple skills:

1.     Active listening
2.     Validating and acknowledging
3.     Expressing feelings effectively

 Active listening

One definition of active listening reads: “Active listening is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented.”

Too often managers and leaders are not fully attentive in their interactions with employees. They are missing out on verbal and non-verbal clues about what is going on with their teams. They are disconnected. 

Validating and acknowledging (V&A)

V&A is sometimes considered a part of active listening. However, its relevance is so important that it deserves separate mentioning.  When we validate what is being said, we normalize what another person experiences and help them understand that whatever they are going through is not weird or unusual.  V&A does not mean saying “I know what you are going through”, because that would be a false statement.  Next time you want to make an employee feel better, try using the words “it is understandable you feel xyz” instead.

Expressing feelings effectively

We are not taught how to express our feelings. Especially in the workspace, it is more common to discuss thoughts than feelings.  Thoughts and feelings are directly connected and lead to actions or inactions.  This is why it is so important to learn how to express ALL emotions, not just the “good ones”.  Below is a wheel of emotions.  As you can see, there are hundreds to pick from.  Introducing employees to the entire spectrum of word choices to express their feelings will enrich communication, relationships and connection.   

Regardless of your position and status at work, if you are a single contributor, a manager, or an executive, if you develop the three skills described above, I guarantee you a happier, more prosperous life and career. As a professional coach, I can help you get there.  If your company needs help in establishing a culture that allows for the expression of all feelings at work to establish deeper connections and attract and retain talent, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.