Dealing with emotional vampires

Do you ever feel as if you are getting pulled into the drama and negativity of others at work or home? The people surrounding you are venting, judging, gossiping, or even worse, blaming others for their misery? I consider these interactions toxic and have a low tolerance for them because attitudes can be contagious, and I prefer to surround myself with positivity.

But let’s say you find yourself in an environment where you are frequently bombarded with these “emotional vampires,” as I call them. What can you do to protect yourself and not get sucked into the vortex of negativity?

Here is my recipe for setting healthy boundaries to protect your mental health when dealing with the constant negativity of an individual or group of people:

1. Identify the energy you are dealing with.
2. Respond to the current situation only.
3. Reflect upon your relationship and choose what serves you best.

1. Identify the energy you are dealing with.

As an energy leadership coach, I have been trained to read the energy of others on a scale of 1-7, with one being the lowest level of energy and seven being the highest, according to iPEC (the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching).

For this article, I will share how the two lowest levels of energy present themselves in the thoughts or words of the individual, the feelings they might express, and the actions they may take.

Most people will experience these energy levels at some point, especially when they are under stress, and they serve the purpose of survival. It becomes a challenge when someone lingers in these energetic areas without finding a productive way out of them.

2. Respond to the current situation only.

People acting within these lower levels of energy are volatile and most likely lack self-awareness of their current situation. They might be in tears or in a rage. Your role is to remain present, calm, and safe. If possible, hear them out and validate their feelings. You may disagree with their perspective of the situation, but at this point, it is irrelevant because your perspective will likely be ignored. Instead, listen actively and acknowledge what you heard. Provide them with the space they need to process the situation, gather themselves, and ask them how you could be of help. End the conversation on a positive note with encouragement by saying something like “This too shall pass” or “Tomorrow is another day,” even though it might sound superficial.

3. Reflect upon your relationship and choose what serves you best.

Once you have had time to process the encounter, ask yourself if you have observed a recurring pattern. Every one of us occasionally has a bad day, which should be allowed as part of the human experience as long as no one gets harmed. However, if the behavior of this person or group is a constant distraction and drain of energy, you need to make a choice about future interactions.

Depending on your relationship with the person or group, you might stop the energetic drain and eliminate them from your life entirely. If that seems too extreme of a step, you always have the choice of altering your interactions with these people and seeing them less frequently or under certain conditions only. Coaching them might be the best approach as it will raise their level of awareness and provide them with tools to better handle stressful situations in the long run.

If you or someone you know is interested in working with a coach who can help you increase your level of energy and transform your life, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.