Belladonna Career Coaching

How to become the best version of yourself – Part 3 Dealing with setbacks

How to become the best version of yourself – Part 3 Dealing with setbacks

We have entered week three of my August challenge to become the best version of ourselves and SOAR. Last week I had a minor setback due to cold symptoms that kept me from being as active as I wanted to be. I recovered the next day, no big deal, but when setbacks are not handled with grace and mindfulness, they have the potential to derail you from achieving your goals.

Setbacks are defined as temporary defeats or slowing of progress, and they often occur at the most inopportune times. Setbacks can be both internal and external in nature. Internal setbacks occur when we give up self-control for a short-term fix. For example, when we cheat on our diet. External setbacks are out of our control. For example, dealing with a natural disaster like flooding or fires. Regardless of the source, building resilience and knowing how to deal with setbacks will help you in the long run to hold on to your dreams and bounce back quickly; no matter what life throws at you.

Here are a few tips on how I deal with setbacks:

  1. Become mindful of the situation.
  2. Accept the situation.
  3. Assess your options.
  4. Act and move on.
  5. Find the gift.
  1. Become mindful of the situation.

Let’s assume something just happened to you. Perhaps you were triggered by a colleague or your manager and one of your buttons got pushed. You are spiraling into a stress reaction. Your brain releases hormones that signal a threat and before you know it you are in a fight-or-flight situation. The threat may not be real life or death, but your body does not know the difference. In this state, it is completely normal to react and take actions that are familiar to us, even if they do not serve us, e.g., have outbursts we later regret or compensate with food, drinks, or other substances to numb our feelings. The best step to take in this situation is to stop, breathe and direct your mind to the present. You need to raise your level of consciousness to make choices that serve you.

  1. Accept the situation.

Whatever tragedy or stressful scenario we just experienced, it is normal to re-live it in our mind over and over and it is easy to spiral out of control. Once you have quieted your mind, try to look at the facts of what just happened without giving it meaning or interpreting it. Try to find the truth and accept it for what it is. When you have moved on to acceptance without judgment against yourself or others you get to choose how to proceed.

  1. Assess your options.

Love it, leave it, or change it summarizes your options in any given situation. iPEC (the Institute of Excellence in Professional Coaching) expanded on this concept and provides us with five options to cope:

  1. Remain a victim.
  2. Accept the situation.
  3. Change the circumstances of the situation.
  4. Change your mindset about the situation.
  5. Leave the situation.

Choosing how we proceed gives us freedom. To quote James C. Collins, “We are not imprisoned by circumstances, setbacks, mistakes or staggering defeats, we are freed by our choices.”    

  1. Act and move on.

The faster you leave the past behind the quicker you can return to your goals. You started this journey for a reason and perhaps you need to remind yourself of why you embarked on it in the first place. Once you have decided how to respond to whatever it is that set you back, act on it. Do not let a single occurrence turn into a bad day, let alone a bad week. Get back on that horse and move on!

  1. Find the gift.

A peer coach recently said to me that setbacks are just opportunities to reaffirm our goals. No matter what you encountered, living through a setback made you a stronger person and better for it. That in and of itself is a gift. 

Perhaps you can find other gifts. Please share your experiences with me. I would love to hear from you.

You are now well equipped to deal with any kind of setback on your journey to become the best version of yourself and SOAR to new heights. SOAR is the name of my signature coaching program (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) which helps professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life. If you are interested in exploring coaching with me, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Are you ready to SOAR?