How to boost your feelings of self-worth

Who needs a boost on how you feel about yourself? Let’s find out by answering the following questions honestly:

Do you frequently say “I am sorry”?
Do you feel as if you are not worthy of more (love, money, happiness, etc.)?
When you finish the sentence “I am …” do you end it with a negative descriptor of yourself?
Do you have a hard time saying “no” to request from others, and not having to give a long explanation of why you are saying no?
Do you frequently compare your achievements to others?
When you look into the mirror do you focus on your self-perceived flaws?

If you answered any of the questions above with a resounding “yes”, chances are that you could need a boost to your self-worth. Research shows that a low level of self-worth or self-esteem affects virtually every area of your life such as your relationships, your health, and your career. If left ignored it can even lead to depression for some.

Research furthermore shows that women have lower levels of self-esteem than men, and this discrepancy is observed worldwide (“Self-esteem across cultures”, Bleidorn et al.). So, what are some steps that you can take if you feel stuck and cannot stop the negative self-talk that keeps telling you that you are not worthy or that you are not enough just the way you are?

Here are my go-to recommendations that I frequently share with my coaching clients:

1. Doing is work, being is effortless

It may sound counterintuitive to seek fun when you are feeling down on yourself. The reality is, you need an outlet to release that heavy energy that can accompany negative feelings about yourself by doing something light-hearted. Find that inner child of yours and explore things with a child-like curiosity. If you are living in New England and you are buried in a foot of snow like I currently am, go build a snowman, or get into a fun snowball fight with a friend or neighbor. Tap into your child-like curiosity and creativity and find ways to bring some joy and fun into your life.

2. Reverse the Negative Self-Talk

The words we choose when we finish the sentence “I am…” resonate with us at the highest energy level. This means that the words that we say are not just words, but our minds and bodies hear them as truths. Talk kindly to yourself, like you would a friend. When you catch yourself in a negative self-dialogue, reverse what you are saying. For example, if you are telling yourself “I am so stupid!” tap into finding evidence of the contrary and make your new mantra “I am a very smart person, I can figure this out”. If you start talking to yourself like you would a friend, you can reverse that negative self-talk, and be able to move forward with kind and loving words you say to yourself.

3. Tap Into a Higher Power

Whatever deity you communicate with – trust that the Universe has your back and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. There is power in prayer, but if that is not available to you, find gratitude for the small and big things in your life. Gratitude is the easiest way to elevate your level of energy. Write down what you are grateful for each day, and see how quickly and miraculously your thinking shifts.

4. Get Physical

Physical activity releases endorphins, which are the happiness hormones. If you are dreading the gym, find an activity that makes you feel good. Turn up the music and dance in your home, go for a run, or chop wood! My preferred way of getting physical is through CrossFit. Do whatever makes you feel alive! You will feel so much better after breaking a sweat.

5. Take a Break from Social Media

If you tend to compare your life to what you observe in celebrities or others on your social media, it is no wonder that you are feeling inadequate. Their posts are often created by public relations experts, portraying a make-believe world that is far from reality. This is a standard that is unattainable for people, even those who are posting it. This is not their reality either. It’s a curated snapshot of what they want us to see. It truly is make-believe. Instead of focusing on your social media feed, focus on your world and create the life you desire. Only you can be you!

6. Talk to Someone Who Will Lift You Up

When we are in a proverbial hole, it is hard to dig ourselves out. In our heads, we tend to make matters worse by being shortsighted and focusing on the negative. It may help to get another perspective and to hear someone cheer you on. Call a friend who can lift you up. If you have been in that hole for an extended period of time, you may want to consider finding a professional counselor or coach to dispel those deeply seeded beliefs of self-doubt. It can be hard to let others in when we are in low and dark places, but they can be such an important resource to help you see that you are important and valued.

Andrew Matthews, who is a well-known author of many books on the topic of happiness said the following: “A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, or why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life.”

So, what are you waiting for? Give yourself permission to boost your self-worth and share with me what you have discovered about yourself when putting your needs first.