Those who know me describe me as an eternal optimist who can find the good in every situation, and as someone who smiles a lot. Currently, my smile has faded as I am mourning. I have cried more in the past two months than I have in the past years knowing that my time with Bennett, my four-legged companion, was coming to an end.  

I’ve had my share of losing and grieving family members. I know what it’s like to deal with a lack of productivity, motivation, and performance at work while processing the loss of a loved one. So how do you get back on track when you feel so hurt and disconnected from your purpose? When nothing makes sense and you don’t know what lies ahead of you?

The short answer to my question is by staying present. You can do this by acknowledging and accepting what the current situation is, and by giving yourself some space and grace to feel the pain. It’s not about pushing through the grief, but working through it. I understand that it’s easier said than done. Grief is not a linear process and depending on how close your relationship was with the one you are grieving, you might get lost in “the valley of despair” for quite some time.

I remember the day I received a phone call from my family in Germany that my father had passed. I was 31-years-old and had just moved to the United States. Within hours I was booked on a flight back home. That in and of itself is probably not unusual, only that my manager at the time considered this trip a business trip and paid for all of my expenses! This gesture of generosity alone created a loyalty bond that has lasted for a lifetime and set an example of how I treated employees of mine dealing with a loss of their own in a way that allowed them to mourn while returning to productivity.  

Maybe it is a sign of the times and my own age, maybe it is related to the losses many people have experienced from COVID-19. During my career, I have experienced employees dealing with sudden and tragic losses. I have granted them space and grace to get back on track. Knowing what I know now as a professional career coach, there are a few pointers I would like to share to help you work through grief and return to productivity as quickly as possible:

Allow your feelings to be what they are
Accept the new normal
Be kind to yourself
Return to the here and now

1. Allow your feelings to be what they are

How are you feeling? Sad? Numb? Powerless? Angry? All of these feelings are completely normal when experiencing a loss. We need time to process that we cannot change the fact that a loved one is no longer with us. Allow yourself consciously to feel what you are feeling without judgment. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and there is no right or wrong way to process grief.   

2. Accept the new normal

It is understandable that you are holding on to your memories, the happy times, and the best moments you had with the person you lost. Celebrate and cherish those moments. However, we are stepping into a perspective of power, once we accept the situation as the new normal. Remember that you are still here on this earth for a reason, even though you might feel sad and lost. Continue on your own path and accept the new normal. 

3. Be kind to yourself
   

Everyone processes tragic events differently. Some may put on a stoic face to the outside world when they are returning to work while struggling internally. Do what makes you feel better. Take a long walk and experience nature, work out or simply retrieve to your favorite hiding spot. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself right now and to listen to that inner voice that tells you what you need to heal and feel better.  

4. Return to the here and now

I know it’s hard to let go. You have so many memories and feelings associated with the person who has died. You see a place, hear a sound, or see something that reminds you of that person and are immediately transported back in time to the memory of the person you lost. You might have videos or photos of the good times. Those memories are never gone and will last you forever in your heart and mind. When it comes to re-entering the world and the workforce though, you need to let go and be fully present in the here and now. You need to re-engage with the people you are with now.

It is hard, really hard, to say farewell to a loved one. It is completely understandable that it has an impact on our level of productivity, motivation, and performance. We all respond differently to this level of stress. While I am processing my current loss of Bennett, I honor him and the time we had together. All of the joy he brought to my life and even the lessons he taught me about enjoying life. Like being present and taking all the treats you can get!  

If you are experiencing a loss of your own, you might want to reach out to a grief counselor. However, if you are looking for a way to work through grief while staying in the game with your career, I might be able to help you – as a career coach and from one grieving heart to another.