I have a question for you. When it comes to regretting past actions at work or home, where do you fall on a scale of one to ten, with one having no regrets and ten being totally full of regret? Read on if I piqued your curiosity as to what your answer might indicate and if you “should” be doing something about it.

A quick Google search on regrets shows a difference between men and women. Generally speaking, females rank higher regarding regrets, especially related to relationships, drinking, and one-night stands. Admittedly, education and career may not be among the top regrets of American women, but according to the “Daily Mail,” 13% voiced regrets about their education or lack thereof and 12% about their career. Still significantly higher than the 9% of women regretting parenting decisions!

If I had a penny for every time I heard a coaching client repeatedly utilize the words “I should have… (you can fill in the blanks as the variations are endless, e.g., I should have kept my mouth shut, or I should have said something), I would be a wealthy woman. 

During my iPEC coaching program, I learned early on that people who are “shoulding” all over themselves are heavy on self-judgment, and that should = shame + could. Those using the words “shoulda, coulda, woulda” are looking in the rear-view mirror and are hanging on to an action that is in the past and cannot be undone. That is a waste of energy!   

When coaching clients, there are a few questions I might ask:

• How is it serving you to hang on to the thought that a different action might have achieved a different outcome?
• What evidence do you have that the results would have been different?
• What does the action you took say about yourself? What other perspective might there be?
• If your best friend was in the same situation, what advice would you give them?
• What did you learn about yourself from the experience?
• How would forgiving yourself help you move forward?  

Asking empowering questions brings awareness to the situation and shifts the mindset to acceptance of what happened. This enables the client to move on, take back their power, and consciously choose their responses without regret. They are making life so much less stressful and more enjoyable.  

When I think about my own shoulda, coulda, woulda, the late French chanteuse Edith Piaf comes to mind. 

She was a legend. A powerhouse of a singer, although tiny in stature at only 4’10” (147 cm). One of her most famous songs was “je ne regrette rien” (I do not regret anything). The lyrics are emotional as she takes ownership of the good and the bad that happened in her life. The last line of this song translates into “Today, it starts with you!”.  

Alongside Edith, I invite you to step into the present and live your life fully – without any regrets. If you are not quite ready to leave the past behind, working with me as your professional coach might help you take the first step into today. I guarantee you will feel so much happier without all those shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s!