Skeletons in the closet – deal with it!

“Skeletons in the closet” is an idiom referring to an undisclosed fact about someone, which, if revealed, would damage perceptions about that person. And guess what – we all have them! There are parts of our past we’d rather conceal from family, friends, or employers out of fear of embarrassment, rejection, judgment, or punishment. Because, as humans, we have the need for acceptance and feeling safely connected to those who matter to us. 

We all have different thresholds when it comes to the severity of the consequences we fear if someone finds out about our skeletons.  The thresholds stem from our internal value system, societal norms, and laws.  And they have changed over time.  What was considered scandalous and devastating in the past, such as a child born to an unmarried woman, hereditary diseases, or sexual preferences, no longer carry the same stigma it did 100 years ago. 

On the other hand, social media has made the risk of exposure exponentially higher. News travels much faster than a century ago, making hiding in a closet more difficult.  So, my question to you is, what skeletons are in your closet? We cannot undo our past, but we can let go of the power we give to events or mindsets in our past that we feel no longer represent the person we have grown into.

I have been writing diaries on and off since I was 13 years old and keep every single one of them in an old trunk (the equivalent of a closet).  Trust me – there are many skeletons in there about the things I have done or considered doing.  Occasionally, I go back and read them, only to find out that I am no longer that person.  Some of my words cut like a knife. For example, I used the word “hate” even for close family members. I experienced marijuana as a teenager and kept track of every love interest and my interactions with them in great detail.  If you happen to be one of them, I guess I just let that skeleton out of the closet 👻 😀.

I have not always been able to share parts of my story that others might find offensive.  Especially as an executive, I kept a work persona and held up a façade.  Through therapy and coaching, I learned radical self-acceptance, forgiveness, and how to find a perspective of kindness towards myself and others, allowing me to be much more open about my past.  Getting to that point is tremendously freeing. 

I recently watched a movie called “A long shot.”  Charlie Theron plays U.S. Secretary of State Charlotte Field, who has ambitions to become the first female president.  She is being blackmailed by her opponents, who are threatening to release a video of her boyfriend masturbating. I can’t think of many people who would be willing to let that skeleton emerge from the closet, but in that movie, Charlotte decides to come clean when she announces her candidacy and to stand by her and her boyfriend’s actions.  In her words, “Don’t slut-shame me.  Deal with it!”

If you are seeking the courage to deal with your skeletons and you haven’t committed a crime or need the help of a priest or mental health professional, I might be able to assist you as your coach.  Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to find out more.