The Day I Lost My Sh*t at Work

Have you ever lost your sh*t at work? Reacted to an occurrence in a way that would be considered “unprofessional” or “inappropriate” by most standards? I have. The event that triggered my behavior dates back nearly 20 years ago, but it is so vivid in my memories that it feels like it happened yesterday. The only reason I can tell for sure that it was not a recent event, is my knowledge that the person I am today would handle the situation very differently. Let me tell you the details of the day I lost my sh*t in a professional setting.

It was supposed to be a celebration; a company event in Las Vegas that I personally organized as a young and ambitious marketer. I felt like Lady Luck herself, as we were able to secure an awesome venue in a private club overlooking the Strip. We sent invitations to some of the greatest thought-leaders and innovators in the industry, including members of our advisory board. The promise this event held was so great that the president of our company and senior leaders of the organization cleared their calendars to attend.

Throughout the day during the exhibit hall part of the event, several of the invitees stopped at our booth to ensure us that they would make an appearance but were also somewhat vague and uncommitted due to other competing events. It was Las Vegas after all, and our party was not the only exciting event in town.

To cut to the chase – we only had one invitee stay for dinner and about a half-a-dozen drop in for a drink and a chat and leave thereafter. Our one dinner guest was at the table of honor together with me, my boss, senior executives, and the president of our organization; who downed one whiskey after another and become increasingly outspoken about his disappointment over the low turnout. He suggested cutting ties to those who didn’t show up. I dared to challenge that notion and blurted out, “you cannot do that”. Guess what happened next? I got yelled at in front of the entire room. Peers, colleagues, superiors, and customers overheard the president shout out, “You don’t tell me what to do!”

At that moment you could hear a needle drop in the room. All eyes were on me. I was in shock and could feel that my eyes were welling up with tears. Quickly I placed my napkin on my chair and excused myself to run to the bathroom, where I totally lost it. I felt so humiliated and locked myself in a stall to hide and cry. I could barely breath, I was sobbing uncontrollably. My absence from the table was duly noted as dinner was served and my food sat in front of my empty chair getting cold. But I couldn’t control my tears to be able to return to the table.

After about 15 minutes, which felt like a lifetime, I put on fresh lipstick, as if that could have masked my red eyes and clogged sinuses, and returned to the table to suffer through the rest of the evening. It was THE WORST work experience I had in my career up until that point. It also most likely created or re-enforced some limiting beliefs I had related to female professionals showing emotions and crying in a work environment. I felt exposed, vulnerable, weak, and like a failure who hit rock bottom.

Recovery did not come easily nor quickly as my ego was deeply wounded, but I had a female executive as my boss who helped me through the situation. She was supportive of me, patient and understanding, consoled me, and helped me learn from the experience. She was also a great buffer between me and the president.

So, what were the lessons that I learned from this event that helped me grow into becoming a female executive who has her sh*t together?

1. Respond, don’t react

Acknowledging and validating the president of the organization could have cleared some of his frustration and de-escalated the situation. I could have proposed a meeting to discuss the lessons learned upon return to the office.

2. Don’t take things personally

Although it was clearly disappointing that we had such a low turnout at the event, it was not for a lack of preparation and it was most certainly not meant personally that people had conflicting schedules and other events to attend.

3. We choose our perspective

My initial reaction was that I was the victim of the president’s outburst. While his behavior may not have been the most professional conduct either, if I had chosen to view the incident as an opportunity to learn, I could have shifted my energy and recovered more quickly.

4. Have role models

Nearly 20 years ago, finding women executives in the medical device industry was rare. I was fortunate to have had a role model in that situation who was empathetic and helped me focus on the future and put this experience behind me. I like to think that I have turned into that role model for other women.

5. It is ok to cry, when we are truly upset

I do believe that there is still a stigma associated with tears at work, and women have the reputation of readily turning on the waterworks. Tears are a release mechanism for low-level energies, which need to be cleared up prior to achieving a state of acceptance. They also make us human.

Learning these lessons took many years of experience, self-discovery, and intentional growth. As a professional coach with 25 years of experience in the corporate world, I now help women advance in their careers at a faster pace, and would love the opportunity to help you gain valuable insights about what might be holding you back to achieve the job of your dreams, without losing your sh*t.