When EGO rears its ugly head

Recently, I had many conversations with clients and friends about our ego and how our ego can quickly get in one’s way.  A strong ego can lead to divisive perspectives where one party wins and the other one loses, as frequently observed in politics and the business world.  At other times, our ego might prevent us from taking risks, out of fear of exposure or embarrassment when things don’t pan out as planned, and consequently, we play it small.

Of course, our ego has a purpose; it dictates our self-perception and that of others, as well as the behaviors we choose to get what we want.  None of that is inherently bad, but when our ego gets out of balance and we attach to material things as a definition of our success and status, or to winning and feeling superior to others, our ego is running the show and rearing its ugly head. 

If all this talk about ego is too abstract for you, take a look at some common scenarios where the ego is either too strong or too weak:

Overly pronounced ego:

1. You desire a promotion. You are convinced that you are overdue for that advancement in your career.  Meanwhile, your peers are getting promoted left and right and you cannot help but feel jealous. 
2. You are in a team meeting, and you quickly get bored and even impatient with the direction of the discussion.  You feel your solution is obvious and superior to what others are coming up with and want to get on with it.
3. You are identifying with “shiny objects.”  You feel the need to accumulate luxury brand clothing, cars, and accessories to show to the world that you can afford them. 
4. You like to casually drop names of people you are affiliated with that may raise your status in the eyes of others, or you want to be recognized when entering a room (have you ever played the “do-you-know-who-I-am” card?)
5. You have a sense of entitlement.

Underdeveloped ego:

1. You don’t like to speak up in meetings because you feel that your opinion is less relevant than that of those who constantly dominate the discussion.
2. You are feeling inferior to your peers and that your life is boring in comparison to theirs. You see yourself as “less than” they are.
3. You take feedback personally and despise criticism.
4. You are overwhelmed by tasks or won’t even attempt to try because they seem too difficult for you to tackle.
5. You are ashamed about how you handled yourself in a stressful situation.  You lost your composure and now wish you were invisible.

Now, some people may argue that ego is a driver of success, and they are convinced that hanging on to a strong ego guarantees moving up the corporate ladder or whatever career path they choose.  I would like to offer a different perspective: Letting go of ego allows you to reach higher levels of consciousness and, therefore, higher levels of success while lifting up those around you.  You see when you approach life from a perspective of non-judgment and oneness, you can let go of ego and find inner peace, wisdom, and absolute passion, and you know what?  That level of energy is contagious!  So, my advice to you can be summarized in a sentence you may have seen outside a conference room before entering a meeting: “Check your ego at the door.”  

If you are struggling with an over- or underdeveloped ego, I suggest working with a professional coach.  Contact me to see if I am the right coach for you.  My signature program, SOAR (the acronym for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) helps professionals like you to transform mindfully and with ease so that you can SOAR in all areas of your life.  Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to learn more.