Day: August 17, 2021

Last Sunday, during my weekly call with my mother, we had an argument. It became such an uncomfortable conversation that she suggested we end it, that I “should go and sit by my pool to get in a better mood.” My response to her was, “I am NOT in a bad mood,” which at that point could not have been further from the truth. So, what happened during the call that caused our weekly conversation to derail? I had my buttons pushed.  

I had good news to share with my mom. In the last couple of weeks, I signed two new coaching clients. One year after I embarked on this journey and founded Belladonna Career Coaching, I gained traction and recognition for my work. Of course, my mom was happy to hear the news and expressed that all my hard work is finally paying off.  But with that, I heard an underlying concern about my financial security and my capability to provide for myself.  

During my iPEC coaching program, I learned that button-pushing is “triggering a catabolic reaction,” causing strong emotions to arise. I also learned that no one pushes our buttons unless we allow that to happen because our reaction is simply our interpretation of what was said.  

When you (or I) feel like buttons are being pushed, here are some questions to think about:

1. When this happens, what do you hear that is said (or not said) to mean about you? What’s the interpretation of what is that you are making that is causing you to react?
2. What’s another possible interpretation?
3. On the one hand, you said it was (your first interpretation); on the other hand, you said it’s possibly (another interpretation). Which one is it?
4. Given the different ways of seeing the situation, how will you choose to view it and respond now or next time?

We all have buttons, and they can easily get in the way of our success in our careers and in life. When we only look at the world through one lens, we tend to interpret things as black and white, right or wrong. Then we use this linear thinking to judge ourselves and others.  

After the call with my mom, I went outside and sat by my pool as she suggested. The weather was gorgeous. I had a nice cocktail in my hand, and yet I was still stewing about what happened during the call. I started coaching myself by asking myself the recommended list of questions. 

The buttons that were coming up were about my own vulnerabilities. When my mother questions my physical, financial, or emotional well-being, I interpret it as I am not strong enough to deal with any given situation, and I want to prove her wrong. Another more supportive interpretation could simply be that she feels vulnerable and incapable of helping her daughter, for whom she wishes life was only a bed of red roses. Of course, without any thorns. With that thought in my mind, my anger vanished. I called my mom back and apologized for my reaction.  

If you are easily triggered and are concerned you might be self-sabotaging your career because you react to stressors and take them personally, I recommend you work with a coach. Together, we can increase your level of awareness so that you break the reactive pattern and choose how to respond rather than react.   

I am accepting new clients and can’t wait to call my mom and tell her about it!