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There is an old joke that states “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?”. The punch line…Practice, practice, practice.    

Practice is defined as performing an activity, exercise, or skill repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one’s proficiency. It is a concept that we easily embrace when it comes to the Arts, Sports, and Languages, etc. We understand that becoming a master requires many years of practice and dedication.  

What strikes me as odd is that many people stop practicing when they grow up and graduate from school; as if they have suddenly acquired all the wisdom and skills needed to successfully maneuver through life. They stop learning, asking questions, and being curious. They start playing it safe.  

In today’s corporate world there is a big emphasis on having a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. The growth mindset allows you to learn from each experience you have, regardless of the outcome. The fixed mindset operates in an environment of only attempting those experiences you feel comfortable with, therefore limiting any kind of growth or development.  

Needless to say that organizations prefer candidates with a growth mindset when it comes to management positions. This is backed up by science; showing that people with a growth mindset seek out challenges as growth opportunities, show a greater sense of personal motivation, are inspired by other’s achievements, and see feedback as an opportunity to grow.  Whereas people with a fixed mindset avoid taking risks and fear failure and shame when trying new experiences. They also tend to take feedback personally. 

One of my favorite sayings is “I am still learning” (Michelangelo). Many years ago, I made this mastery mindset my motto. I even framed it as a picture and gave a copy to all my team members when I was working as a Marketing Director. I have never stopped learning and have actively sought opportunities to improve myself on all levels. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I was a Karate champion in Germany as a teenager and I recently started practicing Karate again after a break of 36 years! This just shows you that it is never too late to practice the concept of mastery. 

So let me ask you a question. When was the last time you committed to learning a new skill and practiced diligently to achieve mastery in anything? If your answer is “not since college or high school”, let me ask you a follow-up question. How is your career going? If you haven’t made progress at the speed you desired, now you know why! What is the next step you are going to take to move towards Mastery? If you need help and support to take that next step, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Coaching is a great tool to move from stuck towards mastery. 

Interview with 21-year-old Nikita Chogle who pivoted during COVID-19 and went from an unemployed esthetician to starting her own make-up line, on her experience as a client of Belladonna Career Coaching (BDCC)

BDCC: When we first met you were at a crossroads just like so many other people whose career was suddenly put on hold due to COVID-19? Tell us about that.

Nikita: I was licensed to be an esthetician in 2018 and had just started building my clientele when COVID-19 hit. All spas were shut down and social distancing was impossible when working on clients’ faces. 

BDCC: What made you consider hiring a life coach?

Nikita: When we first spoke, you told me that coaching was unlike therapy. I have experienced therapy in the past and did not like it as it seemed that I was subjected to someone else’s opinions. Coaching is non-judgmental and I feel like I am empowered and finding solutions from within myself. 

BDCC: When we first had our initial sessions, what were the biggest challenges you were facing both externally and internally?

Nikita: I had the vision of starting my own cosmetics company, but I had so many internal conflicts about how I could accomplish this dream. I was doubting myself and whether I had what it takes at 21-years of age and without a college degree in business. Coaching helped me overcome those fears and build my confidence that I can do anything I set my mind to. 

BDCC: Since we started our coaching relationship you have built a brand and social media presence under the name, The Indian Esthetician. You have also registered a trademark for a make-up line you will be launching soon. What changed in you that you found the confidence to follow your dream?

Nikita: Coaching made me believe in myself and my intuition. You as my coach helped me to tap into that. I know that I can always reach out to my coach when I get stuck to help me find the answers inside of me and that I do not need a business degree to pursue my dreams.

During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic the signs in the shop windows reading “Temporarily closed” were everywhere. They left us with feelings of fear, disconnect, and hopelessness about the future and whether things would ever get back to the life we knew and appreciated. These types of temporary shutdowns happened not only to businesses but also to individuals, every single day.  

I have just experienced this situation first-hand and would like to bring this fleeting darkness, aka “a funk” to light. I also want to share with you how to make sure that “temporary” does not turn into “permanent”. 

Returning from a vacation in Florida last week, I was on an emotional high. It was the first time I had traveled in more than a year. A gap in travel adventures that I have not experienced in decades! I was able to spend time with friends, sit on the beach with temperatures in the 80’s and sip a few tropical cocktails. My cup was full and I was energized to get back to working on my blog, coaching clients, and continuing my job search upon my return home. 

To my surprise, I returned to a different reality than I had planned that quickly drained my energy, left me depleted, and caused a personal, temporary shutdown. I kept asking myself “how could that happen after just having had such a great vacation?” 

My senior dog Bennett has recently slowed down quite a bit. He is in that phase of his life when it is inevitable to be confronted with his physical decline. His dog sitter reported that he was quite different this time and I could also see his lack of energy. All of a sudden, he wasn’t touching his food in the morning, which was unheard of and worrying to me. I felt helpless. On top of that, I unexpectedly got violently sick with a GI tract response of unknown origin. All I could do was lay down and rest. Here we were, Bennett and I, two curled-up bundles of misery with no apparent path out of the situation. We were both shutting down. 

In recent conversations with clients, friends, and family, I have heard much about states of temporary shutdowns on a professional and personal level. Whether it is employees that are disengaged or overwhelmed with work, physical restrictions of the pandemic, or other reasons, many people are currently undergoing their own version of a temporary shut-down. So, what can you do to pull yourself out of that funk?  

1. Acknowledge your feelings
2. Take a breath
3. Reflect upon your strengths
4. Seek support
5. Review your options
6. Move on

1. Acknowledge your feelings

No person is always on a high. Feelings come and go; they are fleeting. They ebb and flow. Rest assured that this too shall pass. Give yourself some space and grace. It is perfectly understandable to feel sad when you or your loved ones are suffering. 

2. Take a breath

We all respond differently to events in our lives. My stress reaction is to withdraw from the world temporarily. I don’t want to talk to anyone, see anyone and pretend to be invisible for a while. Others might react outwardly and get angry at the world. Whatever your reaction is, it is normal for you. Take a deep breath and release your pain or frustration. As long as we breathe, we are alive!

3. Reflect upon your strengths

Maybe you need a reminder that life is worth living and that you are unique and awesome. What has gotten you through difficult times in the past? This question may seem hard to answer in a moment of darkness. Think of your innate gifts that have gotten you to this point in your life. Maybe it is your ability to connect with other people, the fact that you can fill a room with laughter, or your resilience and ability to recover from the greatest challenges. All of these skills are still available to you and reminding yourself of them may just get you to take the next step. If you are unable to credit yourself with what makes you unique, move to step 4 and seek support.

4. Seek support

Friends and family are the obvious go-to support network, but they can sometimes jump to conclusions, judge, or provide unsolicited advice which is not helpful. Professional coaches are trained to listen and support you in a non-judgmental environment and get you out of your funk as quickly as possible.  

5. Review your options

Regardless of how hopeless your situation seems at that moment, you always have choices of how to respond and to move forward. You may not see them immediately, but ask yourself some questions such as “what would be a completely different way of approaching this situation?”, or force yourself to come up with at least three options (stay a victim, change your mindset, change the situation, etc.) of how to proceed and choose the one that serves you best.

6. Move on

You have permission to linger in your funk for a little bit. We are all humans and have our highs and lows. However, there comes a time when you have to face the world again and come out of your temporary state of shutdown. 

As far as I am concerned, I have moved through all six steps and I am back, open for business! The hardest part for me was to deal with my dog’s condition, but I sought help and took him to the vet. His prognosis is yet unknown, however, even dogs know that life is precious, and if they are physically capable, they will seek joy in every moment of life. My advice to you – Don’t let a temporary setback allow you to shut down for business permanently!  

Have you ever felt your life and your career were on course and everything seemed shipshape? Then, all of a sudden, events occur that you did not see coming and they totally threw you off track? If so, don’t despair. In this article, I will share how to get back to inner peace and smooth sailing, even in the midst of a storm.  

This past week, I experienced a series of unexpected events. Last Friday we had a mid-April snowstorm in New England and a huge tree fell on my swimming pool and destroyed it. Additionally, I spoke to my family in Germany via FaceTime with excitement about my planned visit in June. My 81-year-old mother is in declining health, and due to COVID-19 I already had to cancel a trip that was planned for last November. Within an hour of getting off the call, I received an e-mail from the airline canceling my flight! As if that wasn’t enough disappointment to deal with, later that day I had a call from my health care provider (HCP) about recent test results that warrant further diagnostics. I felt as if someone had taken the wind right out of my sails.

According to Meriam Webster the definition of “taking the wind out of someone’s sails” means to cause someone to lose confidence or energy. “What an interesting thought,” I said to myself. As that is exactly how I felt; deflated and drained of energy. We can all relate to wind being an energy source, but when it comes to our innermost feelings, there is still a lack of awareness about the connection of our personal feelings to our level of energy.

During my coaching training, I learned all about that connection between our thoughts, feelings, and actions and the way we show up in this world, aka our level of energy; which is either draining and destructive (catabolic) or creative and productive (anabolic). The most empowering concept about what, as iPEC-trained coaches refer to as “Energy Leadership”, is that we all have a choice in the matter of what level of energy we want to experience and therefore are perfectly capable to weather any storm. 

The events that occurred in the past few days were completely out of my control. What was and always is within my control is how I choose to respond. With that knowledge, I was able to shift my thoughts of being a victim of the circumstances to having choices and opportunities to learn quickly. For example, regarding the pool, I called my insurance company to cover the damage. As far as the visit to Germany is concerned, I booked a trip with a different airline within an hour and postponed my visit by a month, telling myself that at least in July Mercury will be out of retrograde (look it up, it is a thing). And concerning my lab results, I scheduled a consult with my HCP to discuss options about my next steps.  

What I did in all three scenarios was reframe my mind from feeling powerless, stressed, and out of control to looking at my options and understanding that consciously chosen solutions are much more empowering and increased my level of energy to an anabolic (creative and productive) level.  

Working with my coaching clients, we frequently look for ways to reframe the mindset to thoughts, feelings, and actions that better serve them, realizing that this is all we can control. So, if you find yourself in a situation of overwhelm, try the following four steps: 

1. STOP what you are doing and take a breather

Your frazzled mind is in overdrive and in order to process what is going on and shift from reaction to response, you need to break the cycle of those thoughts, feelings, and actions that are causing you the anxiety in the first place. Stop, walk away, take a break. Whatever you need to do to move from reactive to responsive or better yet proactive.  

2. Unload your thoughts

The easiest way to unload your thoughts is through journaling, by simply writing your thoughts down. You don’t need a fancy journal to do this. Any pen/pencil and paper will do. 

Another effective way to capture your thoughts is to talk to a trained professional, such as a coach. A coach can help you unpack your thoughts and help find solutions that work for you.  

3. Question your thoughts

Ask yourself “is the story I am telling myself really true”. Frequently we burden ourselves with external expectations that may or may not be true. Who put that deadline on your schedule? You or your manager? How negotiable is it? Is your environment really having these performance expectations of you, or are they self-imposed? When we dig into our own thoughts, we can discover that many times they are not true, and uncover thinking that is getting in our way of moving forward. 

4. Reframe your mind

Telling yourself that you “should” be working instead of scheduling time for a workout or a walk, takes away from the joy of activities that help recharge your batteries and increase your level of energy. Instead, give yourself permission to take a time-out for yourself. Busy isn’t always productive, so reframing how we think about things can have a very positive impact. 

Following these four simple steps takes practice but once you master them very little can get you off course, and your life and career are bound for smooth sailing. If you are doubtful or feel that you could benefit from a professional coach to help you learn how to reframe your mind, please contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Ahoy mate!

How do you define confidence? What importance does confidence have in your career and in your life? Is confidence a foreign concept to you that you may have observed and admired in others? Maybe you have even experienced it yourself at a time but you were unable to reproduce that feeling consistently. What if I told you that building your confidence could change your career trajectory? How interested would you be in hearing more?

Experiencing a drop in your level of confidence in the corporate world is completely normal and usually occurs when facing a new challenge, such as growing into a leadership role or taking on more responsibility. When we find ourselves in an unknown situation our inner critic almost immediately rears its ugly head. Asking questions such as “do you have any clue what you are doing?” or “who do you think you are to be in charge?”, or here is another favorite one of mine “are you sure you are good enough and have what it takes to… (you can fill in the blanks)”? 

Those voices can be paralyzing. A commonly used piece of advice in these scenarios is to “fake it, till you make it”, suggesting that by imitating confidence and competence you can achieve the desired results without other people noticing. This might be a temporary fix, similar to taking a pain killer to help you with those throbbing headaches you have each week, but the results are not lasting since they do not address the root cause.  

Statistics show that women have less confidence than men. This phenomenon is described in the literature as “the confidence gap” or as “imposter syndrome”. To this day lack of confidence is a contributing factor why we have fewer women in top leadership positions. The good news is that confidence can be gained and built, and it is within your power to grow your confidence so you can positively impact your career trajectory. 

Although I have had an awesome career in the corporate world that took me to the executive level in multi-billion-dollar organizations, I wish I had had a mentor or coach share with me the following concepts of how you can increase your level of confidence because when mastered, they are accelerators in one’s career trajectory:

Become Aware of Your Gifts and Talents

List all of the accomplishments you have achieved in your life, whether they are athletic in nature, a creative art project, an act of kindness, etc. Think about what it was about YOU that allowed you to experience those successes and embrace them as your innate strengths. This will increase your level of energy and boost your confidence. 

Deal with Your Inner Critic

Have a conversation with yourself (I realize that this may sound like an unconventional suggestion). Ask the question; What evidence there is that you are not capable? Are you telling yourself that you have tried this in the past and failed? What makes you think that this situation will have the same outcome? What have you learned since the last time you tried? Get to the bottom of what your inner critic is telling you and challenge it.  

Detach From the Outcome

If you can approach a situation without the need for the end result to be a “win” however you may define winning; and look at it as a learning opportunity, you will automatically grow from the experience. So what if you have a setback and the outcome was not as planned despite all of the effort you invested? It is not the end of the world. Dust yourself off and try again. Utilize the feedback to learn what you can do differently next time.

I came across the following quote: “Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” (Barrie Davenport) If you truly believed this, how would this change the risks you were willing to take and the trajectory of your career? My prediction – you will soar!

As a professional coach, I empower women to achieve the career of their dreams at an accelerated pace. Working with me may increase your level of confidence in your abilities. Let’s explore in a 30-minute complimentary call how I can help you change YOUR career trajectory.