How often have you heard someone say, “it is, what it is”?  How did they say it, and what did you take away from it?  Did it sound like they were throwing in the towel in defeat?  Did you feel that these were the circumstances and you just need to deal with them?  If you answered yes to my last two questions, you might have witnessed or experienced a lack of acceptance. 

Acceptance is the second practice (a.k.a. discipline) out of the 10 I shared in the last blog that is needed to increase your leadership potential and performance.  As a quick reminder, here is the complete list as defined by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC):

1.     Awareness
2.     Acceptance
3.     Conscious Choice
4.     Trusting the Process
5.     Authenticity
6.     Fearlessness
7.     Confidence
8.     Connection
9.     Presence in the Moment
10. 100% Energetic Engagement

So, what does acceptance mean, and how can it help you become a better leader?

I would like to use the example of a recent coaching client who started our session in a complete state of overwhelm.  They repeatedly used the words “could have” and “should have,” putting a high portion of the judgment on situations that occurred in the past, on other people, and themselves.  They were unaccepting of the circumstances.

Acceptance of yourself, other people, and situations means removing judgment and just acknowledging what is and what was. 

When you dwell on your frustration, pain, or disappointment, you are draining your energy level and cannot perform to your full potential in this present moment.  Acceptance means permitting yourself to move on.

It is undeniable that our past has a significant impact on who we are as a person.  Many factors shaped us and turned us into who we are today: where we grew up, our family, friends, hobbies, etc. However, once you recognize what got you here without judging events as “good” or “bad” and are fully accepting of who you are today, you have the power to decide who you want to be going forward. 

I use multiple techniques and tips as a coach to help my clients practice acceptance. Here are a few of the big ones:

1.     Don’t take things personally

This can be hard, especially when you feel as if someone pushes your buttons or provokes you. I wrote a separate article on the topic of pushing buttons that you can find on my blog https://belladonnacareercoach.com/stop-pushing-my-buttons/

2.     Release your expectations

Most leaders are competitive by nature and seek a win, struggling with the concept of “detaching from the outcome.” When you approach a project with expectations of how your environment will receive it, you set yourself up for failure.  It is understandable to crave recognition from superiors when in reality, all you can do is control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. If you approach any situation as a learning opportunity, you will always win!

3.     Reframe your mind

Have you ever seen a peer getting promoted and reacted with feelings of frustration because you thought for sure it was your turn?  Instead of dwelling in your sorrow, try to find a thought that better serves you and helps you move forward.  For example, you could tell yourself, “I applaud their achievement.  My time will come, and in the meantime, I can gain more experience.”

Like any other discipline, achieving mastery in acceptance takes practice and time.  You’ll have arrived when instead of saying “it is what it is,” you’ll just say “IT IS.”

If you are interested in starting your journey to greater acceptance and unleashing the career of your dreams, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.