Have you ever ended up with the short end of the stick? Knowing that you weren’t granted what you thought was rightfully yours, whether that was a pay raise, getting promoted, or being left out of a meeting you should have been a part of simply because of your gender, ethnicity, or sexual orientation? As a female leader, I certainly have experienced this on numerous occasions throughout my career. I would like to share three of my personal stories and provide you with five options on how to respond if you find yourself in a situation of inequity or exclusion.

It doesn’t feel great when you experience injustice. The first default reaction is most likely flat-out-anger, which is completely normal. However, how you handle the situation after that initial reaction may determine your career trajectory and level of happiness. Knowing you have been a victim of inequity can lead to anger AND action. You don’t want to stay in a mindset that you, as a victim can’t do anything about it. You also don’t want anger to blind you from working towards solutions. You can use these real and valid emotions to work in your favor. 

While we cannot control our environment, we always have choices in how we are handling ourselves in any given situation. Here are the five options you have, when you feel like you got the short end of the stick:

• Remain in the mindset that you can’t change it (aka victim mentality)
• Leave the situation
• Accept the situation
• Change the situation
• Change your perspective of it

I have been in circumstances of inequity and exclusion many times throughout my career. As a young product manager, a budget-related e-mail was sent to me and my peers for comments. My superior failed to hide the headcount budget and all our salaries were exposed. Despite a recall effort, the cat was out of the bag! I was the lowest-paid individual in the department, by far. My knowledge of salary ranges at the time was certainly rudimental at best, however, I felt completely undervalued and taken advantage of. I quit my job shortly thereafter and was empowered to negotiate my first six-figure salary with my newly gained information of what other product managers were making. I chose option two (leave the situation) as my response in this scenario and left the job. 

Quitting is a valid option if you feel that your career is not going anywhere in your current organization, but it is not the only option. While still better than remaining a victim, there might be more empowering and sustainable solutions when you find yourself in a situation of inequity or exclusion.   

A few years later I had advanced to a Director-level position in a white, male-dominated industry. Many business discussions took place after hours over drinks and shots and other shady activities that I was excluded from. In this scenario, I chose to accept the situation and focus on my contributions at work. I transformed a team and although my manager partook in said shady activities, this person was smart enough and had the integrity to differentiate the male bonding experience from the merits of my work. He recognized my efforts and promoted me.

My third example was around the time that I finally reached the VP level. I interviewed for the job within my organization and was chosen. The organizational announcement went out before I had received my official offer letter. The offer letter wasn’t really an offer to negotiate, more a take-it-or-leave-it form letter. HR had lowballed me regarding my compensation. The pay was based on my director-level salary with a promotional increase of 7%. It was NOT based on VP-level pay ranges or market rates. I was furious. I tried to change the situation (option 4) and my manager backed me up, unfortunately, we were not successful in fighting the inequity. In this scenario, I went through the emotions. A victim mentality has never been my cup of tea, so instead, I changed my perspective (option 5). I was grateful for the opportunity. I truly enjoyed building and developing my team and transforming the department and once I was established as a VP, I gained negotiation power for future opportunities.

Feeling as if you got the short end of the stick is not fun, however, how you handle the situation might impact your career trajectory and your personal level of happiness. My advice to you is to reach for solutions that make you feel empowered. In any given scenario, you always have control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

Over the past 25 years, there have been leaps in terms of advancing diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). Entire functions and organizations are being built to take this initiative to the next level, which is very exciting for minority leaders and will hopefully prevent you from experiencing what I experienced at times. However, if you do – you now have five options to choose from as to how to respond.