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“Life is not fair – deal with it” is a phrase we have probably all heard at a young age regardless of where we grew up. It is what our parents would tell us when friends or siblings were granted privileges that were unavailable to us. I am the youngest of four and my parents were the most tolerant ones on the block, and I admit that as a child I was frequently the benefactor of this statement, as I received favorable treatment. But that trajectory did not last. 

The corporate world can be an unjust environment and navigating it can be daunting. I experienced this first-hand in my career. Watching colleagues being promoted who were seemingly less qualified, and learning by accident that my pay was significantly lower than that of my peers. I also dealt with gender bias and being laid off under questionable circumstances. It stung and I wish I had known how to cope better during those tough times.

It is human nature to react to setbacks by feeling like a victim or to become angry and lash out at others. While these reactions are understandable, they are also self-sabotaging. The longer we wallow in our pity, the more damage we do to our well-being and that of the people around us.

I would like to offer you a different approach that gets you back on track faster when dealing with the inevitable unfairness in life. It only takes three steps: 

1. 1. Awareness
   2. Acceptance
   3. Choice

Awareness allows you to see what is happening right now. Try to take unbiased stock of the events. Can you detach from the story you are telling yourself and just look at the facts? Is it possible to view the situation from a different perspective? If your answer to this last question is “yes”, you know that you have constructed an interpretation of reality and probably taken things personally, which resulted in your ego getting hurt.

Acceptance is the state of mind that you achieve when you stop interpreting the situation as “bad”. Allowing your inner battle about the perceived or true injustice to continue keeps you stuck in the past and is also a waste of your precious energy. Acceptance lets you move forward. 

Choice is ultimately what will give you your power back and it puts you in a state of responding rather than reacting. Whether you realize it or not, we always have a choice about how we handle situations. It is easy to lose sight of that fact especially when we just got triggered into an emotional reaction. But there are other, healthier choices available than remaining a victim. If you cannot change the situation, you can change your perspective about it to one that better serves you. This is called “reframing” and is a common tool used in coaching. 

With a little practice of these recommended steps, you’ll be well equipped the next time life treats you unfairly. As a professional coach, I can help you overcome the unavoidable road bumps on your journey mindfully and with more ease. Ask me about my signature program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn), which is a blueprint to help you through the toughest transformations. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call. 

Did you know that humans on average have more than 6,000 thoughts a day? This happens both consciously and subconsciously whether we are awake or asleep. If you were to take stock of your thoughts and rated them on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 having primarily thoughts that weigh you down such as fear, shame, or judgment, and 10 primarily having thoughts that are uplifting and make you feel unstoppable, where would you rate yourself on that scale?

If your answer was on the lower end of the scale, you might be experiencing a case of “stinking thinking”; focusing on problems and expecting negative outcomes. Over time these toxic thoughts can lead to anxiety, stress, and depression. As humans, we all have negative thoughts creeping into our minds daily. However, how well we manage to focus on the positives differentiates our attitude and how we show up in this world regularly. It even impacts our happiness and success in life. 

Our thoughts create our emotions, and our emotions determine our actions and inactions. Repetitive thoughts become our beliefs and shape the way we experience life. They become the lenses through which we view things and label them as “good” or “bad”. Those lenses or beliefs can become so strong that even when we are presented with evidence of the opposite, we completely dismiss it. For example, if you think of yourself as not smart enough because you do not have an advanced degree, you will constantly look for evidence of that thought, i.e., this is the reason you are not being promoted and you might dismiss or downplay knowledge and success you may have had in other areas of your life, such as in music, art, or athletics.

The problem is that most unhappy people who desire change and transformation will look for fixes externally. Believe that a higher job title, a fancier car, or a bigger house can compensate for their inner void, but unless you start by changing your thoughts and challenging your beliefs those fixes are temporary at best. 

Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.” Changing your thought patterns to new beliefs that better serve you requires the desire for change, an open mind, and much learning and relearning. Transformations are not easy. I know, because I have been through so many of them: living in a foreign country, climbing the corporate ladder, marriage, and divorce, etc.

If you are facing a transformative experience in your life, I would love the opportunity to chat with you. I created my signature coaching program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN), a step-by-step blueprint to help professionals through the toughest transformations. Examining your thoughts and choosing those of a higher vibration that results in feelings of compassion, peace, joy, and absolute passion is a big part of SOAR. 

Are you ready to ditch your stinking thinking and to SOAR with me? Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to schedule a free discovery call. 

We all have an ego, like it or not. Since the ego resides in both the conscious and subconscious mind, how do you assess if your ego is serving or sabotaging you?

Our ego is the story we create in our minds about who we are and how we define ourselves. Its purpose is self-preservation. The problem with our ego is that it is self-constructed and not necessarily truth-based and when we feel threatened, we might have an ego-based reaction to defend our position at all costs. The consequence is likely inner and outer conflict. 

Letting go of our ego is the sixth and final part in this series: Six Things We Need to Learn to Let Go of to Live a More Balanced Life (based on the philosophy of Taoism):

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

Taoism teaches when we are trying too hard to hold on to our ego and define ourselves through our job, title, social status, and who we know, we are possibly stressing ourselves to the point of burnout. 

If you have ever lost your job as a result of a reduction in force you have probably experienced a bruised ego, I know I have. Questions and self-doubt arise about the future and what other people will think of you. The truth is that the loss of a job, possession, or relationship does not change who you are as a person. 

To transcend your ego and let go of it you need to change your mindset and raise your level of energy. The ego does not exist when we are feeling joyful and one with the universe. The ego is not present in a state of bliss or non-judgment.

It may seem like a stretch to reach that state of synthesis when you are feeling like a victim and your ego is hurting. Coaching can help you bridge that gap and raise your level of energy one step of the time. As a certified coach and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner (ELI MP) I know exactly how to do this. 

Contact me to learn more and ask me about my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: Seek, Outline, Awaken, and Relearn), which helps professionals to transform mindfully and with ease. Reach out at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to schedule a free discovery call.

Excess is a relative term. It is defined as “an amount of something that is more than necessary, permitted, or desirable”, which makes it largely subjective except for the “permitted” part.

What might be excessive to me, e.g., owning seven cars, might be completely normal to someone else. If they love cars, and maybe even race them and it is well within their means then they might not define it as excessive.

Let me ask you a question.  In what areas of your life do you have more than you need or practice excessive behaviors? Is your closet filled with pre-pandemic suits that you never wear anymore because you now work from home? Do you hang on to old newspapers, magazines, or plastic shopping bags from the grocery store? Or do you frequently have that second donut or glass of wine that does not serve your waistline?   

Letting go of excess is the fifth part in this series: Six Things We Need to Learn to Let Go of to Live a More Balanced Life (based on the philosophy of Taoism):

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

Taoism teaches moderation and believes that when we are living excessively, we impact not just ourselves negatively but also our surroundings as we may contribute to overproduction, excessive waste, or hurt our environment. People who have excess in one area or another, frequently fear losing what they have. They desire to accumulate more excess which is a vicious cycle that can cause tremendous stress. 

On the other hand, releasing excess is liberating. It ironically creates space for higher levels of energy. Marie Kondo, the Japanese organizing consultant, built an entire franchise on her philosophy that tidying up sparks joy. 

So, where and when are you going to start tidying up your life and let go of excess? I will start with my closet and donate what no longer sparks joy in my wardrobe. I really do not need over 40 scarves, but I will hang on to those that my late mom knitted for me because those definitely spark joy in me!

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: Seek, Outline, Awaken, and Relearn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

Western society loves speed; especially in the corporate world. Leaders are constantly searching for efficiency and trying to save time and other resources to achieve greater profit. Faster is considered superior. There is even a term for this phenomenon called “social acceleration”.  This refers to the increasingly fast developments in technology, social change, and the overall pace of life. We are all experiencing first-hand how everything moves faster in hopes that we gain more time to do the things we value most.

How has that been working for you? Has your smartphone with its hundreds of apps improved your quality of life? Or has your 24/7 availability pushed you to your limits? What is your or your employer’s desire to rush things costing you?  If you tend to want to rush things along and lack the patience to let things unfold naturally, you might stress yourself and others out unnecessarily, even to the point of burnout. 

Letting go of the desire to rush things is the fourth part in this series: Six Things We Need to Learn to Let Go of to Live a More Balanced Life (based on the philosophy of Taoism):

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

If you are struggling to keep up in this fast-paced world and are burning the candle at both ends (I have been there myself), I invite you to take a breath and slow down so that you can return to the natural rhythm of life and be more present. Let go of the need to rush things. When you are ready, try a few of these things to slow down:

• • Take a walk in nature
  • Turn off your phone or set it on “do-not-disturb”
  • Block time on your calendar for yourself
  • Set priorities and stick to them – if it is not a priority, don’t waste time on it!
  • Do an activity that you love and that is good for you

Practicing mindfulness and presence takes time and effort. I encourage you not to approach it as another task. It should be quality time that you enjoy and look forward to – without rushing in or out of it!

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: Seek, Outline, Awaken, and Relearn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

When it comes to releasing people from your life, Ariana Grande has the perfect message in her song “Thank U, next.” She lets go of her ex-boyfriends by thanking them for the lessons they taught her and then focuses on self-love. This is a textbook response to a complicated situation. Getting to that level of acceptance is easier said than done especially when emotions run high in personal and professional relationships. 

Understanding when a relationship has run its course or needs a modification and how to let go of another person is the third part in this series: Six Things We Need to Learn to Let Go Of to Live a More Balanced Life (based on the philosophy of Taoism):

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

Relationships are highly complex, and I am not just referring to the romantic type. We depend on other people throughout our lives. Whether it is our parents who are responsible for our well-being while growing up, classmates and later peers who are learning along with us, teachers, managers, and mentors, who are supposed to be role models, or romantic partners sharing our lives with us. No matter what type of relationship we have with other human beings they can become a challenge when they get out of balance because we have NO CONTROL over other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

We do, however, have control over our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. We also have control over how we want to handle any relationship, including the one with ourselves (you can let go of “the old you” that you have outgrown), when they have reached a point of becoming unhealthy. 

My first piece of advice is to know, establish, and communicate your boundaries. This is something women struggle with more so than men because we are frequently raised as people pleasers. Note that your boundaries speak volumes about your level of self-worth. For more details on boundaries and self-worth see these previous articles I’ve written: https://belladonnacareercoach.com/a-common-struggle-for-women-in-the-workplace-setting-boundaries/ and https://belladonnacareercoach.com/how-to-boost-your-feelings-of-self-worth/

Secondly, know that you always have a choice when it comes to handling difficult relationships. These are the five options that are available to you at any given time:

1) Remain a victim of it

2) Leave it

3) Accept it as it is

4) Change it

5) Change your perspective on it

Since this article focuses on leaving a relationship and letting go of it, let’s take a look at how you can healthily do this: 

• Once you made the decision, stick with it. No floundering
• Communicate that you are leaving the relationship with clear words and actions
• Have a plan for enforcing new boundaries under the new terms
• Reflect upon your learnings and move on (the thank-you-next-attitude)

Many people stay in relationships both personal and professional way beyond their expiration date. I know I have. The reason for that is usually fear of the unknown or fear of not finding something or someone to replace what we have. Trust me when I say, that releasing people who are hurting you is healthy and will contribute to inner transformation. 

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: Seek, Outline, Awaken and Relearn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

Although I tell people never to assume, I am going out on a limb here and starting this article with the assumption that most people are aware of the concept of letting go of the past. Whether this is a true statement or not, I will continue with another assumption: Many people live in the future and are not familiar with the concept of releasing their idea of it before moving forward. 

Let’s test this theory. Do you or someone you know frequently start sentences like this?

When I…

… have lost 20 lbs., I will buy myself some nice, new clothes

… get promoted, I will start saving money for my dream house

… retire, I will travel the world

… receive my coaching certification, I will quit my current job

… find my true love, I will be happy

Projecting our expectations into the future and delaying gratification can lead to excessive worry and anxiety since the future is largely out of our control. Releasing the future is the second part in this series of six things we need to learn to let go of (based on the philosophy of Taoism) to live a more balanced life:

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

There is nothing wrong with having desires and dreaming of a better, brighter future as long as you are not solely focused on expecting improvements that are tied to a future event that may or may not happen. This robs you of being the best version of yourself in the here and now. 

To release the future, you need to practice gratitude for what you already have in your life and take action now. Let’s look at some of the examples from above: 

• Instead of waiting to lose 20 lbs., love yourself the way you are right now and buy yourself a piece of clothing that makes you feel confident and radiant (I don’t want to hear your objections, just give it a try).
• Instead of waiting for that promotion, make your current space your sanctuary and enjoy your current environment now. Start saving a little bit of money so that you can afford a house regardless of that promotion ever happening. 
• Stop waiting until retirement when you might not have the same physical vitality you have today to take that long vacation and explore the world! 

You get the picture.

Staying present requires practice but it is in the present that we have the most power. To learn more about how to remain present, check out one of my previous articles (https://belladonnacareercoach.com/ten-practices-to-unleash-the-career-of-your-dreams-9/ ).  

I strongly encourage you to let go of the future and live joyfully in the here and now. You’ll see it is all worthwhile because you have opened the possibility to inner transformation. 

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: seek, outline, awake and re-learn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

It has become such a catchphrase “let it go!”, the universal piece of advice that is so easily uttered yet so hard to put into practice. Especially in the heat of the moment when we are cursing, throwing tantrums, and stomping our feet because someone or something is getting in the way of us creating that happy ending to our story – or at least that is what we believe to be true. 

The fact is that many people relish in the drama and are simply not ready to let go. However, if you have the desire to transform aspects of your life such as your career, level of performance, relationships, or health, you need to learn to make space for new perspectives, and yes, you guessed it, let it go!

But what exactly is the “it” we are referring to? How can we possibly release it? There can be many aspects in our lives that we are holding on to that prevent us from living in the present and freeing up our precious potential. For this series, I chose the philosophy of Taoism to help me elaborate on six things we need to learn to let go of to live a more balanced life:

1. 1. The past
   2. The future
   3. People
   4. The desire to rush things (one of my pet peeves)
   5. Excess
   6. Ego

Our past is such a big part of our story. How we grew up shaped our views, our values, and our identity. In our past, we most likely experienced some pain or trauma and felt rejected, misunderstood, or even worse mistreated. Releasing the past is not always easy. We must confront what happened to us and dissect it in a way that gets to the core of the events. Here are some questions I want you to ask yourself in the process:

1. 1. What actually happened vs. what is my interpretation of the facts? 
   2. What aspects of the situation were under my control? 
   3. Most importantly, what did I learn from the experience that will better equip me in the here and now? 

Letting go of the past requires acceptance of what happened. Practicing acceptance is a skill that needs to be learned over time and includes not taking things personally, releasing expectations, and reframing your mind. For more details on the process check out one of my previous blogs https://belladonnacareercoach.com/ten-practices-to-unleash-the-career-of-your-dreams-2/.

Once you have reached a level of acceptance and can let go of your past, watch for the blessings to occur. Suddenly, you will feel lighter, less burdened, more present, less stressed, more connected, and more joyful. You’ll see, it is all worthwhile because you have opened the possibility to inner transformation. 

As a certified coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations. I have created my signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program: seek, outline, awake and re-learn). Contact me to learn more at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

When was the last time that you reflected on what really matters to you in your life? What is truly meaningful to you? What do you stand for and how do you want to be remembered?   The reality is that most people do not give much thought to what they value, and they accept the values that were passed on to them by their parents and the environment they grew up in, resulting in a deep level of dissatisfaction and misalignment in their soul.

This may sound a bit dramatic, but it’s true. If you do not choose your values as an adult, others will choose them for you. Extended periods of misalignment with your values can lead to depression and even burnout. For example, if family is one of your top values, yet you spend endless hours on weekends at work, there is misalignment. I have experienced this first-hand in executive positions in the corporate world. It took me years to gain this insight and realize the price I paid for allowing it to happen. 

Values are individual to each person. There is no “right” or “wrong”, no “good” or “bad” value. You get to choose what matters the most to you, what gives meaning to your existence, and what serves as your North Star to guide you in making decisions in your life. When you are living a life that is in alignment with your values you thrive. It is as easy as that.

I start working with each new coaching client by taking stock of their values. It is a quick, yet profound exercise to review a (very) long list of suggested words such as achievement, success, or loyalty and condense it to a core list of their values. The outcome helps me understand what is truly important to them.  It also helps me understand potential triggers. When we feel like someone is pressing our buttons, it is because of an incongruence or misalignment between what we honor and what we perceived happened to us. Check out two previous articles I wrote on this subject that go into more detail: (https://belladonnacareercoach.com/the-importance-of-seeking-alignment-with-self-and-others-at-work/, https://belladonnacareercoach.com/stop-pushing-my-buttons/ ).

January is frequently a time of the year when we are apt to accept challenges that promise to lead to a better version of ourselves. I am currently practicing “dry January” and a 30-day yoga journey. So here is my challenge to you – I promise it will not take much time at all, yet, it will pay huge dividends: Take stock of your values! You can do a quick Google search and you will find lists with up to 300 different values. Narrow the list down to your top five values. Feel free to email me to share what you learned about yourself when you completed this exercise. What do you stand for? I would love to hear your results.

Albert Einstein once said: “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” If you need help finding your North Star and figuring out your values, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. 

It is a New Year and with that often comes the hope that things will change for the better. Although I am generally someone with high hopes and spirits, my team members still remind me today that I frequently use the words “hope is not a strategy”. To get from point A to B you need a plan, otherwise, you might fall victim to another saying that “if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there”. 

In part one of How to Make Changes that Last, I reviewed my recommended formula to get you from point A to B in five steps (https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-succeed-making-changes-last-part-1-2-angela-meyburg-acc-cpc-). For the next part, I want to focus on setting goals. 

When it comes to goal setting, there is not one approach that fits all. Not everyone is a gifted planner, and as people, we have different motivators, e.g., how performance-oriented we are vs. how we want to feel once we accomplish our goals. 

If you work in the corporate world, you are likely familiar with setting performance-oriented SMART goals. This acronym stands for:

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Reasonable

Time-bound

SMART goals are not a bad way to organize a strategy around goals, but they do have some inherent limits. At work, you and your manager need to negotiate as to what is “reasonable” and “achievable”, there is much variation on what that might look like between managers and frequently there are conflicting goals between departments. Another critical component that is missing in this picture is your motivation and your commitment to execute. 

When setting goals with a client, I still use SMART goals, but I add a component that further individualizes the plan and breaks it down into smaller steps. IPEC refers to this process as AIM SMART. The acronym AIM stands for, Acceptable, Ideal, and Middle. When working with this method, the individual takes into consideration what they are willing to commit to, given other priorities or deterrents that could get in the way. 

There is another powerful tool I share with my clients, especially high-performance-oriented individuals. It is called the ABC-Game Plan for Guaranteed Success. It approaches goal setting with a mastery mindset so that you can detach from the outcome in case you miss the goal, but you still learn from the experience giving it your best effort. The ABC-Game plan provides a safety net when things do not go as planned or you relied too heavily on others and things you cannot control when you set your goals. 

Regardless of the approach you choose on how to set goals, I would like to reiterate what I said in the first part of this series about how to make changes that last. Find the reason why you want to make changes in the first place. Know what you REALLY want and dig deep to find it. It is only with that motivation that is connected to your identity that you will find the strength to commit 100% to what you set out to do. 

I wish you much success in your endeavors to make changes that last. If you are looking for an accountability partner and a guide to get you from point A to B, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com so that hope is not your only strategy! 

New Year, new you? Are you among the millions of people creating resolutions to live a healthier and happier life? Are you eager to get started come January 1st? What is your plan to succeed and not become part of the statistic that 80% of people fail to stick with their program before February? What could possibly go wrong? I can think of a few things.

Personally, I do not believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I am a firm advocate that each moment describes who you are, and allows you to decide who you want to be (iPEC foundation principle), therefore you can make lasting changes that are truly transformational at any time of the year if you know how. Here is the formula I share with my coaching clients on how to make changes that last:

1. 1. You need to have a strong “why”
   2. Start your plan with the end in mind
   3. Set goals, practice intentions
   4. Have a mastery orientation
   5. Find support and accountability partners
   6. You need to have a strong “why”

1. You need to have a strong “why” 

Your why is your identity. It is the story you repeat in your head as to who you are. I am encouraging you to spend a good amount of time pondering this question as to why you want to make a certain change. The stronger your reason and the more connected it is with your values and your purpose, the greater your chances of success will be. Your “why” is what will get you through the tough times.

2. Start your plan with the end in mind

I encourage you to either write a letter to yourself or make a video recording and describe your ideal outcome. What will be different if you stick to the plan? How will your quality of life improve? Spell it out in as much detail as you can. Visualization is a powerful tool to help you succeed as it assumes that you WILL succeed, minimizing self-sabotaging thoughts. 

3. Set Goals, practice intentions

It is a common myth that implementing lasting changes is all about goal setting. Let me tell you why that is not the truth. Goals, if not set realistically, can be daunting. When we are only seeing minor progress toward our goals, our humanness sets in during the process. Self-sabotaging thoughts pop up, like “I cannot do this any longer”, “this is too hard”, or any variation of “I am not good enough to deserve this”. What will help you get past this point is

a)    Re-connecting to your “why” (see 1.)

b)   Setting daily intentions

Achieving intentions is a lot more doable than focusing on goals. It provides us with micro-wins along the way that we can celebrate and keep going.

4. Have a mastery orientation

It is completely normal to have moments of weakness and to want to give in to temptation. Old patterns are hard to break. If you do fail a time or two during the process, it is not the end of the world as long as you learn from the experience and get back on track. That is what is called a mastery orientation. Setbacks happen, acknowledge them, and move on. 

5. Find support and accountability partners

Making changes that last is not an easy task, especially if you are trying to do this on your own. Your chances of success are much higher if you share your goals with others and find a person or a group that will hold you accountable and cheer you on. 

As a professional coach, I specialize in helping professionals with mindful transformations so they can soar in all areas of their lives, not only during the month of January but any time of the year. I am offering my signature coaching program, “SOAR” that will help you transform into the best version of yourself. Contact me for a free discovery call to find out more so that you don’t fall into the statistic of the 80% of people failing by February in their attempts to change. 

I began to wonder; if we can agree that love is the most powerful positive force in this universe and that love can do anything, then why does the thought of naming love the most desirable leadership quality seem so far-fetched? What would the world look like if corporations embraced this concept?  

We still live in a world where expressing emotions in our work environment is uncommon. After all, in the corporate realm, we are hired for our thoughts and ideas and it gets awkward very quickly when someone talks about their feelings. If the “L-word” is used, the context is loving something rather than someone.  

A leader’s role is to activate forces in others to achieve a common goal. It is not an easy task and frequently comes with the burden of having to make decisions that impact the livelihood and well-being of others. There are constant trade-offs leaders must weigh and frequently they are driven by numbers representing success or failure.  

So, what do the most recognized leaders in the world have in common? They connected to their innermost passion transcending their ego and finding their purpose. In other words, they are doing what they love and are spreading that love, making it nearly impossible not to get behind them to follow their lead.  

If corporations tapped into this power and promoted those leaders who show compassion for themselves and others and lead with their inner light and warmth, the world would be a better place. That is the kind of world I want to be a part of. Albert Schweizer once said: “The only thing of importance, when we depart, will be the traces of love we left behind.” What legacy will you leave behind?  

If you have difficulty connecting to your purpose and finding that compassion for yourself and others, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com and let me help you transform your inner self. Sending much love to all of you!

It is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year” and “the happiest season of all” according to a popular Christmas song. Regardless of the holiday you celebrate, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or Festivus, not everyone enjoys the lights, family gatherings, and traditions that come with them. And even though I love decorating the tree, watching holiday movies, and the spiritual meaning of Christmas, I recently experienced deep sadness and sorrow. 

Many people get overwhelmed during the holiday season. They stress out about all the preparations for the perfect family get-together. They hurry to get gifts for loved ones and to deck the halls. They think about the people in their lives and the ones they lost on the way. All these thoughts are draining us of energy and before we know it, we are in survival mode. Instead of enjoying all the holidays have to offer, we just want to get to the other end and come January resume our “normal lives”.

If you are currently in survival mode let me share a few tips with you to make it through the Holiday season intact so that you don’t crash and burn. 

The first step is to identify what exactly is causing you stress. There are six major categories of stressors that can drain you of energy:

1. 1. Spiritual
   2. Mental
   3. Emotional
   4. Physical
   5. Social
   6. Environmental

You may be impacted by more than one of these factors. The more you are experiencing the higher your risk of burnout. 

The second step I recommend is to optimize these factors. I previously published a series called “Reduce your stressors and achieve peak performance”, where I detailed what to do to improve each of them. You can find them archived on my blog https://belladonnacareercoach.com/blog/. 

The third step I recommend is to refill your proverbial cup with lots of positive energy. The iPEC coaching program identifies and recommends ten practices to increase your level of energy. I would call this an advanced version of “your holiday survival guide”. If you are interested in learning more about all ten steps, you can find them in detail on my blog as well. To survive the holiday season, I suggest focusing on the first three practices:

1. Bring awareness to the situation
2. Accept the situation
3. Choose your response consciously

In other words, it is ok to feel whatever you are feeling right now. Become fully aware of it, even if it doesn’t feel great because it is fleeting and will pass. Accept it for what it is without judgment and then consciously choose to respond in a way that serves you.

Carve out some time for yourself and practice self-care during this holiday season. Let go of perfectionism and give yourself grace. This is what I intend to do the next time I am overwhelmed with sadness. Oh yeah, I forgot my final piece of advice – you are never alone. You are surrounded by people who support you and catch you when you fall. If you don’t know where to turn, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Happy Holidays!

It is officially the Holiday season, and we are surrounded by temptation. The smell of baked delicacies and comforting family dinners, the lavish decorations in department stores enticing us to buy what we probably don’t need and possibly can’t afford. And office parties where alcohol flows freely, minimizing our inhibitions, and encouraging us to partake in activities we might later regret. 

Temptation is a desire to engage in short-term urges for enjoyment that threatens long-term goals. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as the state of being tempted, especially to evil. We all know the story of Adam and Eve and how it ended. They couldn’t resist eating from the forbidden tree – they got kicked out of paradise, and women are still paying the price of experiencing excruciating pain during labor!

I admit it, I haven’t been the best role model recently either. Those who know me, admire my discipline and strength, and appreciate that these two things have pushed me through the most significant obstacles and challenges in life. I work out every day. I usually watch what I eat by tracking my macros diligently and practice much self-care to foster a healthy body, mind, and spirit. Yet, there have been a series of events lately that got me off the path and let temptation win, resulting in gaining weight and choosing activities that are simply not good for me. 

It is normal at this time of the year to let go of discipline and give in to temptation. We make excuses and tell ourselves “to live a little” and that we’ll get back on track in January. A new year, a new you!? Sounds familiar? If so, I’d like to invite you to stop the madness right now! Yes, you heard me, even at the risk of being called a grinch, don’t let the Holidays derail you from your long-term goals. 

I didn’t say it was going to be easy but trust me, it will be worthwhile to get back on track right now because the longer we foster habits that do not serve us, the harder it gets to break them. Here are my recommended steps that set you up for success in resisting temptations:

1. Re-connect to your “why”. My why is to be mindful in everything that I do, inclusive of the consumption of carbs and alcohol.
2. Take stock of where you are. There is a saying that “if you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it”. I weighed myself this morning and although I wasn’t proud of what the scale showed, I take full responsibility for what got me here (German spekulatius cookies and wine).
3. Be intentional about your day and actions and remain mindful. Honored intentions lead to micro-wins, which add up to achieving your goals in the long term.
4. Find a group of peers who can support you and hold you accountable.
5. Journal about your feelings, failed attempts, and triumphs. I am not assuming that you will have failed attempts, but if you do, forgive yourself and move on. 

So now that you know how to resist temptation when it is so much easier to give in to it, which path will you choose? I will be choosing the healthy path and getting a head start before January. Are you with me? If you need an accountability partner, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

It has been all over the news, giant companies like Amazon, Meta, and Twitter recently announced immediately trimming their workforce by thousands of employees. Many more companies across the United States are following suit but avoiding making headlines and spacing out waves of layoffs to remain under the radar of labor statistics. This is all happening during a time of the year when people are supposed to feel jolly, grateful, and hopeful. After all, it is the Holiday season. 

If you have ever been made redundant in your career, there is no sugar-coating it. You know that the feeling sucks. I was laid off twice from executive jobs and went from star performer to being escorted out of the building like a criminal who is about to go ballistic. It is a humiliating experience. If the layoff happens during the Holidays, insult was just added to injury.  So how is one to respond after receiving the news that your services are no longer needed? How can you turn this perceived tragedy into a triumph?

It is normal to experience anger and frustration towards your employer. After all, you invested your time and energy and gave your organization your best efforts. It is understandable to feel guilt and shame when delivering the news to your family and friends. If you are really lucky, they will withhold judgment, but their understanding is bound to vanish when they start asking questions projecting into the future, such as “how are we going to pay the bills?”, “Can we still afford to buy Christmas presents?” or “Where and when are you going to find another job?”. This is fear that is spreading about the uncertainty of what is to come next. 

Fear is never a good advisor. Did you know that there are only two states of being and that they are mutually exclusive? You can either be in an expansive mindset or a protective mindset. The expansive mindset provides experiences such as joy, happiness, love, kindness, and gratitude. It makes you feel creative and productive. When your mind is in a protective state, your thoughts and feelings are focused on victimhood, sadness, worry, anger, and confusion. Making it impossible to think clearly and make decisions that serve you. 

So how can one shift from a protective mindset to an expansive mindset? One that could propel you towards finding not just any job that pays the bills, but might represent an opportunity to steer your career in a direction that is in alignment with your values and purpose? 

Here are the steps I recommend you take:

1. Become fully aware of your feelings and know they are temporary
2. Give yourself grace and accept your current feelings and circumstances just as they are.  Refrain from judging them as “good” or “bad”
3. Choose a thought about your current situation that better serves you, e.g., if you weren’t happy in your job, this is an opportunity to reset and do what you truly love. 
4. Reconnect to your why. When you are ready to start the job search, filter future employers and prospects to make sure they match your expectations

After my last corporate layoff, I took a deep dive into my “Why” and my values, which led me to become a coach, turning my tragedy into triumph. I now help professionals through major transformations in their lives and am trained to help shift mindsets from a protective to an expansive state. If you are ready to experience how working with me could expand your life, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. 

It is November and “gratitude” appears to be the guiding word of the month, at least in the U.S.A. where we are celebrating Thanksgiving, a major holiday here. For a short period of time our focus shifts from greed to gratitude. During this break from work, many forget how discouraged they recently felt for not having been promoted, their feeling of jealousy when a peer was praised in front of the entire staff while their efforts remained unmentioned, or how angry they were when it was announced that this year’s bonus payment was going to be cut short due to underperformance of the company. 

Many Western societies are focused on possessions as symbols of status and well-being. The big house with a pool, the latest luxury car, designer handbags, you name it. Employees work hard to the point of burning themselves out, just to get ahead in this race where the rules are unclear. All you know is you must get ahead and compete, because what are you left with when you stop racing? A lack of identity. 

I will admit that there was a point in my life when I was among those chasing after money, status, and title. I am not judging those who desire luxury or advancement in their careers, nor would I label them as “greedy”, for the universe is abundant and everyone deserves to go after their dreams. What I simply did not understand at the time is that “where your mind goes, energy flows,” and by focusing on what you already have, you will be rewarded by receiving more. 

I am amazed that the power of gratitude is still considered to be a secret in the year 2022. When I was searching for expressions of gratitude, I found that some of the oldest philosophers and world leaders such as Lao Tzu (604-531 BC), Epicurus (341-270 BC), Cicero (106-43 BC) and Marcus Aurelius (121-180) were spreading the word of its powers. 

For those who still need more convincing, here are some of the benefits associated with practicing gratitude:

• Reduces feelings of envy
• Makes you more empathetic toward others, especially those who are worse off
• Increases your sense of self-worth
• Enhances spiritualism
• Reduces feelings of anxiety and when practiced at night improves quality of sleep
• Deepens your relationships
• Improves your physical and emotional health
• Keeps you grounded

I experienced the benefits of practicing gratitude daily and observed an inner transformation to a more peaceful, grounded, and happy me. I highly recommend trying it out for yourself. Are you wondering how you can achieve the same results? Try journaling about the things you are grateful for first thing in the morning. Talk about the great things that happened to you at the dinner table. Include those experiences in your prayers at night. Count your blessings, not just in November, but every day in your life and observe the transformation of your inner self. Happy Thanksgiving!

I have a secret to share with you. At this very moment, there is a presence lurking that cannot be seen outwardly, but it is there, and it might be wreaking havoc in your life. I am referring to our inner judge. We all have it, and it has the power to create damage in our lives and those around us if we are allowing it to get out of hand. 

Imagine an organization with hundreds or thousands of employees and the cacophony of inner judges impacting the organization. What do you think the culture of this imaginary organization would feel like if the leadership allowed their teams to freely express judgment of themselves, others, and their circumstances? It would be mayhem. It would be a place full of complaints, criticism, and fear-based decisions. It would be the company from hell. Now imagine the opposite. A company that actively promotes a judgment-free zone and an environment of inclusion, support, and risk-taking.

Studies have shown that employees are more motivated, productive, and creative when they feel empowered to express themselves without being shut down. While the benefits of creating a judgment-free workplace might be obvious, knowing how to go about it when none of us are entirely free of judgment can be a difficult task. My recommendation is to teach your team the following skills:

1. Active listening is probably the most critical skill in communicating with one another. By paraphrasing, acknowledging, and clarifying what was being said without judgment, individuals are heard and their thoughts are validated. This increases their engagement.
2. Ask empowering questions that are open-ended, thought-provoking, and non-judgmental. You might be surprised by what you learn about each other and yourself. Details can be found in one of my previous blogs https://belladonnacareercoach.com/the-art-of-asking-empowering-questions/
3. Promote expressing emotions. There is still much judgment in organizations about what feelings are appropriate to express at work. It is most important to allow the entire spectrum of emotions, even the “darker” ones, like anger and frustration or sadness to be expressed. We are all human beings and we experience the entire spectrum of emotions. Being able to verbalize and process them increases our emotional intelligence and our ability to relate to others.
4. Establish a culture of feedback. Actively exchanging feedback avoids misunderstandings and removes blame when sharing observations. Feedback should not just go from managers to direct reports, it is most effective when everyone learns how to provide feedback to one another.
5. Brainstorm by utilizing the “yes -and-method”. This method tolerates the most outlandish ideas, regardless of their practicality by focusing on the part of an idea that you absolutely would like to incorporate in your solution, and then builds on it. If you are interested in more details, google the term.
6. Hire for diversity in thought. A common hiring mistake is to look for people like us. While the familiar might feel safe and more comfortable, it does nothing to expand the capacity of the team. People who think differently can accelerate finding the truth as opposed to our personal, subjective, and judgmental perspectives.
7. Show grace towards yourself and others. We are all trying to do our best at any given time. 

Establishing a judgment-free workplace takes time, especially because our inner judge can come into play when we are questioning if we are doing the right thing. After all, it took us a lifetime of feeding the inner judge. The lies it tells us comes from fear of the unknown or fear of inferiority. Even by practicing just one or two of the recommended skills above, you are taking steps toward reducing judgment in the workplace. We all benefit from that. 

If you are ready to work with a professional coach on reducing your inner judge and living a healthier, more productive, and happier life or if you need help in implementing these strategies with your team, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

Let me be brutally honest. I do believe that the label “narcissist” has become somewhat trendy and is currently being overused to the point of even appearing in a hit single by Taylor Swift. The bright side of this trend is that awareness is being brought to a very severe and significant topic: How to recognize and deal with people who have narcissistic personalities.  

I am a survivor of a relationship with a narcissist and have encountered several narcissists at work in various roles, be it a direct report or a manager. I found a somewhat tongue-in-cheek definition of a narcissist that resonated for me: (n.) A more polite term for a self-loving, manipulative, evil a&@hole with no soul. 

Encounters with narcissists are brutal and seldom end well. But over the years I have learned some lessons and found tools that I would like to share with you to help you reclaim your power if you have lost it in encounters with a narcissist.  

First of all, how do you recognize if you are dealing with one? Here are some tell-tale signs of narcissistic behaviors:

• They will not tolerate criticism of any kind and erupt like a volcano
• They objectify you and will only use you to serve their agenda
• They are superficial and lack empathy
• They do not assume any accountability for their actions and are masters of deflection
• If you ever hear any sort of apology from them, it will be “I am sorry you feel that way”
• They blame others for anything that did not go according to plan
• They can be very charming on the outside and are masters of disguise

The last point makes it so tricky to understand that you are being used as a pawn when interacting with a narcissist. It all looks wonderful on the outside until they are sensing a threat of exposure. That is when all hell breaks loose, and they show their true colors. This leads me to what NOT to do when dealing with a narcissist – never confront them outright. You cannot win that argument.  

Working or living with a narcissist is hard. You might be quick to conclude that one should just leave the situation, and that would not be a bad piece of advice if it were that easy. Sometimes there are co-dependencies. The narcissist might be a close family member. At work, you may have to endure these emotional outbreaks from a manager, because you are unable to leave your job. The problem is that narcissists create a cobweb of lies around you, and every time you try to escape it, they spin their web a little wider. 

Through my training as a professional coach, I learned that in any given relationship or situation we have power over our thoughts, feelings, and actions and we always have these five options: 

1. Remain a victim
2. Leave the situation
3. Accept it as is
4. Change it
5. Change your perspective

In dealing with a narcissist, option 2 (leave it) is indeed the healthiest one. I recently listened to a Podcast by Mel Robbins who chatted with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, one of the greatest authorities in the field of narcissism. One of the significant takeaways was that “you cannot change the weather in Chicago”. Meaning that if you are thinking that you can change the behavior of a narcissist, your efforts are wasted.  

I spent years in therapy to process my experience living with a narcissist. Trying to understand why I was letting him belittle me and steal my joy and power, even feeling guilty for leaving him. Therapy is certainly a healthy way if you have been exposed to a narcissist over an extended period, like me. I also recommend checking out the YouTube channel of Dr. Ramani (https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani). If you are dealing with a narcissist at work, I suggest considering me as your coach to maneuver this difficult situation. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to chat!

Have you ever felt physical pain because your body was out of alignment? I received a Thai Yoga massage yesterday, a treatment I highly recommend. Its purpose is to release tension in the body and achieve alignment, similar to what a chiropractor does during an adjustment, just way more relaxing. When our body is out of alignment, we experience physical pain. Misalignment in other areas of our lives can be less obvious, yet it can have severe consequences. 

I strongly believe that alignment is a key contributor to success. One definition of alignment is “a position of agreement or alliance”. When we are in true alignment with our inner values, and those of everyone else in our circle of influence, including co-workers, managers, and customers, good things start to happen. We eliminate resistance and therefore have full access to our highest levels of energy. This is a powerful state which opens endless possibilities and makes space for creativity. 

If total alignment on all levels is the key to success, why don’t we encounter it more frequently? What gets in the way? What is the secret to achieving greater alignment?

Let me answer the last question first – the secret to greater alignment is to find your “why”. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is your purpose? 
• What drives you and makes you get out of bed every morning? 
• What are your core values? 
• What gives your life meaning?
• What brings you joy?

Once you are clear on the answers, your “why” surfaces and it becomes your inner compass to guide you. It will help you find employment that fulfills you, and a working environment that lifts you up and brings out the best in you.     

So, what commonly gets in the way of finding alignment more often in the workplace? In my opinion, the greatest obstacles are a) a lack of self-awareness and b) the apparent readiness to defer from our inner compass when circumstances cause us to compromise.

Especially in the corporate world, many people are pushing their agenda without thinking much about the greater good. Their ego gets in the way of developing self-awareness and aligning with others. Also, at times we may choose to de-prioritize our why, e.g., when circumstances dictate an urgency to find a job quickly without having the luxury to find our dream job that provides the ideal environment and is in alignment with our personal goals.

When you add up how many employees either lack self-awareness or have compromised on their why, and are not working under ideal circumstances, it becomes apparent why alignment is lacking in so many organizations leading to less-than-optimal results. While we cannot control others, we can control ourselves by developing a greater level of self-awareness, finding our why, and doing our best not to defer from our inner compass. 

A professional coach can help you do exactly that. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to assist you with the process of gaining greater alignment with yourself and others.

How frequently do you find yourself choosing to remain passive rather than acting in the situation in front of you? How often do you say “yes” to requests to avoid confrontation? Do you ever let unpleasant situations play themselves out in hopes all will be well, instead of stepping up to the plate and taking ownership? If any of this sounds familiar to you, you might have strong tendencies of an “avoider” or recognize these tendencies in someone else.

What is an avoider? How does one become an avoider? And what can you do if avoidance has become a pattern for you or someone you work with? Have you recognized that it is time to make some changes? 

An avoider focuses on the positive and pleasant in extreme ways, and stays away from conflict with others, out of fear that either their feelings or someone else’s feelings get hurt. Chronic avoiders are created. During their childhood, they have either not learned how to deal with difficult emotions or grew up in an environment with constant conflict. They may have become the peacemaker and they learned how to not add to the tension. Their behavior might be passive-aggressive rather than direct and they might deflect their problems and tasks to others, which can become a real problem within a team.

So now that you know how to recognize chronic avoidance in yourself or others, it is time to stop avoiding it altogether! 

Changing someone else’s behavior requires buy-in from them and acknowledgment that their avoidance has created a problem in the first place and that continuing this pattern does not serve them or the team. The same applies if you want to stop avoidance from sabotaging your career. 

As a coach, I like utilizing a pain/gain model to help my clients explore what they are gaining vs. losing by either staying in the current situation vs. making a change. It is important to allow the individual to conclude what they might gain from changing their avoidance:

• Deeper relationships with others
• Greater level of trust of others when being more open with information and feelings
• Gaining insights into oneself by allowing the feeling of pain
• Greater resilience in difficult situations
• Higher levels of productivity
• Defining personal boundaries

Addressing avoidance and acknowledging our vulnerabilities can be scary. After all, it took many years to build up our defense mechanism and it served our survival during our childhood. The way back to our authentic selves is a lifelong journey. If you are ready to embark on it and are looking for a coach to guide you on your way, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.