Don’t we all have perspectives? Perspectives are feelings or opinions about the world around us, and depending on the lens we choose, they can range from dreadful, devastating, and disastrous to bright, blissful, and blessed. Perspectives are unique to each of us, and when it comes to our well-being, we need to choose a perspective that serves us.

When researching perspectives, we get the artistic view, the geographical view, and the frame-of-mind view, which I personally cherish. The problem is that we seldom accept another point of view without judging right and wrong.

There are few things we can agree on—generally speaking, they are irrefutable facts, such as when the sun sets and rises or when the tide is high or low. Yet people feel so insecure in their own position that they will argue “until the cows come home”, an American expression indicating that it could take a while before reaching a conclusion.

What conclusion do we need, though, to be in harmony with our own choosing? Frequently (too frequently?!), we choose a popular perspective or one we grew up with. When, then, is it time to change that perspective? It is time to consider other points of view when our perspective no longer serves us. When it leads to conflict, disagreement, and hurt. That’s the key anyway – being tolerant enough to accept other perspectives yet standing on our own ground. All too often, we just want to be right, and when we do, we miss out on the possibility that our point of view or perspective is limited or flawed.

What if we could accept that we are ‘only’ human, with all limitations and lack of greater perspective there is?  What if we could reach for a higher connection, one that looks at possibilities and not at limitations? Imagine the world we would live in. Imagine the workplaces we could create. They would be limitless, inclusive, and serve a higher purpose, a.k.a., a higher perspective.

I encourage broadening our perspective when coaching clients. It is the only way I know to become more tolerant, accepting, and at ease with what we can and cannot control. Perspective is everything. What perspective do you choose?

I am Angela, the coach who helps you transform mindfully and with ease. Transformations are never easy, but the reward is incredible. I developed my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWARE, and RELEARN) to help you transform mindfully and with ease. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to learn more.

If being kind to yourself seems foreign, you are not alone. Many of my clients and people in my inner circle struggle with self-compassion and self-love. They will be quickto extend grace, understanding, and empathy to a friend or colleague, but they struggle to grant the same level of kindness to themselves. As a result, they internalize their feelings of sadness, anger, and thoughts of not being enough or deserving.

Extensive research has demonstrated that self-empathy leads to many positive outcomes, including increased happiness, resilience, connectedness, curiosity, decreased anxiety, depression, and fear of failure. If the advantages of cultivating self-compassion are clear, why is it a skill many struggle to develop? And, more importantly, how can we begin to practice self-compassion?

We were all conditioned in our formative years to live up to the expectations of others, primarily our parents, who may have intended well, yet programmed us to try harder, do more, comply and conform, frequently to impress others, or at least avoid criticism. I speak out of experience. My parents owned a pub, and my mom’s greatest concern was that our guests would disapprove of our choices in clothes, activities, friends, etc.

Finding my authentic self had narrow guard rails associated with it, and it took me many years of self-development work to break free from those external expectations. And that is exactly what you need to do if you want to experience the benefits of self-compassion I mentioned above.

So here are three ways to practice self-compassion and self-love:

1. Positive self-talk
2. Writing yourself a love letter
3. Challenging your inner critic

1. Positive self-talk

Tell yourself that you are doing your best at any given time. We all make mistakes, and that is perfectly normal as a human being. If that happens, forgive yourself and move on. You are unique, and no other person is like you on this earth. You are worthy of receiving anything and everything you desire. If you are having difficulty accepting these words as the truth, you can try listening to guided meditations. Search for them on YouTube.

2. Writing yourself a love letter

Write down the things that make you unique and that you like about yourself and your hopes, wishes, and dreams. If you struggle to come up with your positive attributes, you can always ask your friends for input. And, if you are looking for a love letter template, here is a link to a love letter to yourself (love letter link) .

3. Challenging your inner critic

This last exercise might be the hardest as you will need to do some work to identify your inner critic first. I recommend the assessment from Positive Intelligence to find your personal saboteurs. The results will provide you with questions to challenge your inner critic. Working with a professional coach might be beneficial for doing this deeper-level work.

It took me years to develop my current level of self-love and self-compassion. I utilized all the suggested practices in this article and worked with a therapist and coaches. I know it is not easy to reverse patterns we developed over many years, but I can assure you it is worth it. You will enjoy living with yourself a great deal better!

Fluctuations are part of our daily life everywhere we turn. We may lose or gain weight; our workload may be more or less than we know how to handle, and our bank accounts might be full one day and in the red another day. Ebbs and flows come and go; it is a law of nature. However, we may not always embrace them equally and struggle, especially during the ebbs that have a way of indicating a lack.

Our brains tend to focus on the negative. This is a primal survival function, also known in psychology as the “negativity effect,” that is supposed to keep us safe by attuning us to threats. Unfortunately, loathing negative thoughts of not being enough or not having enough turns us into victims. This state of mind feels uncomfortable and, if sustained over time, robs us of energy or, even worse, might lead to depression.

I personally feel that I have experienced an extended period of an ebb. My return to Europe has drained me of energy and resources. The first few months were full of obstacles, bureaucratic hurdles, and setbacks. Still, as a professional coach and a self-declared optimist, I do not allow my thoughts to interpret a temporary situation as a life sentence of bad luck. I utilize the tools I have learned to embrace ebbs as an opportunity to recharge and prepare for the next flow. Here are some tips I’d like to share with all those experiencing their own ebb:

Remember your “why”

If you are going through major changes, remember what made you initiate that change. Something in your soul was yearning to align with your purpose, destiny, and values. Reconnect to that, and you will gain extra energy to keep moving toward your vision.

Practice gratitude

Research has shown that when we focus our minds on everything we have, we are happier and healthier and invite more good things to enter our lives.

Rest

An ebb is an invitation to rest. It is impossible and not sustainable to constantly perform. Give yourself permission to recharge your batteries, and don’t judge yourself (or let alone let others judge you) as unproductive or lazy.

Envision your future

Create a vision board or write down what you want for your future self. Focus on the success you are going to have and how that will feel like. Having a powerful vision will make believing you will get there easier.

There you have it! A roadmap to get you back into the flow.

After having accomplished some major milestones, I feel that the tide is rising. I have moved into a beautiful apartment, and my furniture will finally be here soon. I am focusing on my health and well-being and rewarding myself with a mini vacation to Spain in May. I have regained my strength to now focus on living my vision of a happy, healthy, and abundant life in Europe, one with extended flows.

I grew up in the port town of Bremerhaven, Germany, a city that has been a gateway for trade and migration for a few centuries. Water, wind, giant ships, and greedy seagulls are all things I associate with this place, but if that were all that signifies Bremerhaven for me, one could easily replace it with another port town like Barcelona or Boston. It is the presence of my family that called me to return here after 27 years of living in the US to lay anchor for a little while, as I consider it my “safe harbor.”

A safe harbor is an environment that offers protection, a break, a refuge, and conditions under which we can thrive. One does not have to travel around the world to find their own personal safe harbor. Just think of those conditions under which we flourish when:

• We are not being judged
• We can explore
• We receive gentle guidance
• We are encouraged to take risks and try new things
• We are granted space and grace
• We get to interact with curiosity
• We can put ourselves first and attend to our own needs
• We can nourish our mind, body, and soul

Did I leave anything out? Maybe a beautiful view and an umbrella in your drink? Either way, these conditions are not necessarily the norm in life and work, where distractions get in the way, targets and deadlines must be met, and we deal with restrictions, rules, and compromises—or are they?

Coaching, a unique space that offers a safe harbor regardless of your location or identity, is where you can truly thrive. As a professional coach, I can create the ideal conditions for you to not just thrive, but to soar. My signature program, SOAR, is designed to help professionals transform mindfully and with ease, enabling you to soar in all aspects of your life.

If you are currently navigating turbulent waters and find yourself in the midst of a significant transformation, it is time to lay anchor. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am here to guide you gently into your safe harbor, and perhaps even share an umbrella drink with you.

The human experience can sometimes be challenging, even for the most optimistic people like me, when we face one obstacle after another and deal with difficult emotions such as hurt, disappointment, sadness, and frustration.  Typical reactions are either to shut down completely (victimhood) or to respond with frustration and anger (antagonism), both of which are lower-level energies that might serve us temporarily but, when experienced over an extended period, become unhealthy and unproductive, eventually leading to greater mental health challenges such as depression or burnout. 

As a coach, I know of a better way to deal with setbacks, called ‘complete acceptance’ of circumstances. Acceptance means giving in to what is, receiving information as facts we cannot control instead of labeling it as ‘bad news’ or ‘bad luck.’

Ever since last August, when I decided to move back to Europe after 27 years of residing in the US, I feel like the Universe has tested whether I am serious about my decision, demanding evidence through constant trials and tribulations. For example, the recent information that the container with my earthly belongings is delayed by at least four weeks. I only hope and pray that the container is not on one of the vessels stuck in the Baltimore harbor. 

I could have said that I received one piece of ‘bad news’ after another (the delayed shipment is only the cherry on the cake; there have been ample other events that challenged my patience and resilience), turning me into a victim, a role I refuse to take. 

‘No complaints, no excuses’ was the motto of my CrossFit gym in Massachusetts, that I have personally tried to follow and apply. Excuses are a means of dealing with one’s own shortcomings, and complaints are outward expressions of frustration, blaming others. They perfectly describe the lower levels of energy I mentioned earlier. Instead, I choose to accept what is. 

Acceptance is unlike resignation, which carries defiance and resistance to the circumstances with it, kind of like the middle-finger attitude.  Acceptance allows us to move forward, and that is exactly what I am doing. 

So what if I am ‘glamping’ for a little while with my dog Boone in my newly found apartment?  It might be an inconvenience, but it is not a tragedy.  I continue to believe in the bright future ahead of me and am grateful for the massive support I have received from my family and friends. 

If you, too, have been dealing with a lot lately and want to learn more about complete acceptance, email me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

“I feel so unmotivated,” “I am stuck,” and “Why am I procrastinating?” are real-life comments I have heard a lot lately, both from clients and close friends. When I observe a common thread, I get curious about the reasons why there suddenly seems to be a pattern that deserves attention, especially if it can help others overcome the same challenge.

In our jobs and in life, there are many events that can cause us to be overwhelmed: sickness, an excessive workload, conflict with a superior, financial trouble, and so on. It is perfectly normal to hit a wall at times and lose all motivation to continue the path we have envisioned for ourselves, which is supposed to lead us to happiness and bliss. However, if we linger in this feeling of despair for too long, we may risk falling into a state of depression that requires intervention by a mental health professional. Let’s not get to that dark point and look at ways to get your groove back.

Getting out of any unpleasant situation is as easy as counting 1, 2, 3 because all it takes is directing your thoughts through this three-step process:

1. Bring awareness to the situation
2. Find acceptance of the situation
3. Choose your path forward

1. Bringing awareness to the situation

When was the last time you allowed yourself to quietly reflect upon your current situation without judgment? My guess is that it has been a while, as it is human nature to judge constantly. The more judgment, the less awareness, which is the problem of getting stuck in the first place. Removing judgment from our thoughts allows us to take a bird’s eye perspective and view the situation as it is, which leads to the second step in the process. 

2. Finding acceptance of the situation

Once you view the situation without labeling it as “good” or “bad,” “unfair,” “hopeless,” or whatever your current state of mind suggests, you are creating a space for acceptance. The situation is what it is, or the situation just is. Finding acceptance in a situation, regardless of how hard it may seem, even when dealing with a major loss, allows us to move on and gain back our power by choosing the path forward.

3. Choosing your path forward

Frequently, people who report feeling stuck and unmotivated are incapable of seeing all the choices they have in any given situation and, by default, choose to remain a victim. Let me share with you some other, more productive choices.

1. a) Reframe your mindset

If the story you have been repeating in your head is self-sabotaging, stop it! Find a thought that is kinder. You could ask yourself the question, if your best friend was in the same situation, what advice would you give them? This should lead you to a healthier mental state.

1. b) Leave

You always have the choice of leaving the situation, especially if it is toxic and no longer serves you. It may be hard to take this drastic step, but it is better in the long run.

1. c) Make changes to your current situation

Maybe not all is lost. Perhaps you just need to take a breather, reset, and make some tweaks to your situation. Overworked? Take some time off. Sick? Heal. In a bad relationship? Communicate your needs and set boundaries.

And there you have it—a clear path to getting your groove back when you feel stuck that is as easy as counting 1, 2, 3.

Coaches are specialists in helping clients get unstuck. My signature program, SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases: SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, RELEARN), helps professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so that you can SOAR in all areas of your life. Reach out for more information at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to chat.

It seems to happen more frequently than in the past and everywhere you go.  People are at each other’s throats, yelling insults or threats, sometimes even becoming physically aggressive.  While the reasons for an increase in altercations at work may be multi-faceted, even the Harvard Business Review acknowledges that conflict resolution is a must-have skill for managers in 2024 (https://hbr.org/2024/01/9-trends-that-will-shape-work-in-2024-and-beyond).

But how does one develop the ability to resolve conflict?  I frequently encounter this question with my coaching clients when they come to a call with their emotions running high after an argument at work.  Suppose these arguments occur frequently and are around a particular topic, such as work/life balance and needing time for oneself. In that case, finding a path to a solution can be very stressful and challenging, but it is not impossible.

Let me share some dos and don’ts about how to resolve difficult conversations and conflicts. Let’s start with what not to do.

Don’ts in Conflict Management

• Be disrespectful to the other party and attack personality traits
• Interrupt others when they are speaking
• Counter-arguing and utilize “yes, but” frequently
• Raise your voice
• Bring up past conflicts
• Take sides when multiple parties are involved
• Avoid conflict altogether
• “Pull rank” and leverage a position of power

Instead, I suggest utilizing common coaching techniques to resolve a conflict.

Dos in Conflict Management

• Actively listen and acknowledge what the other person says
• Show empathy for others, their experience, feelings, and perspective
• Ask open-ended empowering questions with curiosity
• Focus on common goals and solutions
• Utilize “I-statements” to share observations and needs
• Concentrate on facts and the truth rather than opinions

Conflict resolution skills are not intrinsic or intuitive.  They need to be practiced just like any other skill. It requires getting out of one’s comfort zone to achieve positive outcomes for yourself and those you are responsible for.

If you want to learn more about the subject and how I can help you become a better leader, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.  I help professionals transform mindfully and with ease through my signature coaching program called “SOAR” so that you can soar in all areas of your life.

Resistance and objections can come in many ways, and as a professional coach, I am trained to a) identify them and b) formulate a plan to weaken or dissolve them.  Recently, this skill of mine was tremendously challenged when I moved back to Germany, a country where the standard response appears to be “yes, BUT…” 

We have all encountered it.  We offer a thought, an idea, or an observation, and before we have even finished our sentence, everything we just said is being devalued by a simple “yes, but…”.  German people value being right, and everything goes by the book.  The problem with this mindset of insisting on being right is that someone else must be wrong.  The co-existence of two or more possibilities is ruled out, which does not feel good when you are on the receiving end.

I have found myself numerous times in the past weeks dealing with government employees who have lectured me every step of the way as I was attempting to reestablish my residence.  I came prepared to each appointment with research, documentation, and a positive attitude, only to get shut down with a “yes, BUT…” followed by a variation of “these rules don’t apply to you” for whatever reason.  Add to that a stoic, non-empathetic delivery, and you can imagine how I felt: discouraged, unwelcomed, and diminished. 

While I have no ambition to take on an entire nation and teach them a kinder way of communication and to open their eyes to other possibilities than the ones they currently hold tight to, I needed to come to grips with the gap between my motherland’s values and mine.  I, too, appreciate rules and orderliness; what I do not appreciate is a closed mindset and people who need to demonstrate their authority by scolding and correcting you or, even worse, shutting you down with a “yes, but.”  Clearly, this is a trigger for me. Here are a few things I recommend to help take the sting out of a situation when navigating constant resistance:

• Embrace small talk at the beginning of the conversation.  By commenting cheerfully on an observation and finding a common interest, you will relate to your opponent on a human level.  For example, “I see a souvenir from Paris; I too love Paris so much that I celebrated a big birthday party there.  What took you to Paris?”
• Try not to take things personally.  The rules were not created with you in mind. They were created to account efficiently for the most frequently encountered circumstances and do not always consider circumstances outside of the norm.
• Focus the conversation on solutions.  Ask, “What do you suggest I do next?” or “Who else can I talk to?”. At least find out what the next step is for you.
• Be kind and courteous.  It is so easy to give in to frustration when you are not met with empathy.
• Try to find the humor in the situation.  It may require a little distance to laugh it off, and once you do, you release stagnant energy. 
• Remember what you can control and what you cannot control.  You can’t control the circumstances but can always control your thoughts, feelings, and actions, so choose wisely.

I hope that these suggestions help you as they are helping me deal with resistance on any scale; it doesn’t have to be taking on an entire nation.  I chose to return to Germany and am grateful for a perspective that helps me cope and move forward on my journey, focusing on all of the positives, such as the proximity to family and other European countries, and of course the great food, and wine.  Cheers!

January has been a tasking month for me.  I just moved back to Germany after having lived in the States for the past 27 years.  While my family welcomed me with open arms, it seemed the rest of the country, with its administrative hurdles, was challenging me and my patience.

I was fully aware that my perception was not reality and that the rules apply to everyone, yet I was feeling vulnerable.  Those who know me understand that having to depend on others doesn’t come easily for me.  I was confused by the rules and regulations, confronted with unempathetic government employees, and puzzled by where and when to request the services I needed.  Despite my German citizenship, knowledge of the language, and education, these tasks seemed to be so much harder than I had anticipated. 

I cried a lot, mostly in silence.  All I knew was to take one day at a time and to have faith that my being here was purpose-driven.  I started looking for signs of hope, progress, encouragement, and support and found all of them little by little, especially after attending a local Baptist church service.  The message was clear – surrender because we are not in charge.

When you search the meaning of the word “surrender,” you get multiple definitions that, at least to me, are different in their energy level.  Allow me to explain. 

1. One meaning is tied to war times and declaring defeat towards an enemy or opponent.
2. Another one means yielding or giving in to a higher power.

For me, the second definition is where I focus because it means empowerment or being empowered. I have had conversations with clients who were resisting inevitable change or had ongoing conflicts with higher-ups.  When I suggested surrender, I frequently heard they couldn’t or wouldn’t because it meant not standing up for themselves or their teams.  That makes perfect sense if you define surrendering as defeat, but it is not a very kind or self-serving perspective. 

I choose to view surrendering as a sweet gesture of acceptance and focus on what we truly control – our thoughts, feelings, and actions. The rest is up to a higher power.  So, instead of feeling defeated, I trust and encourage you to do the same.

Trust in the fact that we are never alone. Trust that the universe has our best interest at heart. Trust that we already have everything inside of us that we need. Trust that we are enough. Trust that God loves you.

Life is not always easy, and it is okay to acknowledge it.  If you need a reminder of who you are and what you are capable of, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com, and let’s chat.  I help professionals transform mindfully and with ease through my signature coaching program called SOAR.

I am out of my comfort zone, to be completely honest, way outside my comfort zone since I returned to my home country and birthplace, Bremerhaven, Germany.   Of course, we all know that it is out of our comfort zone where growth takes place, yet few people would voluntarily choose to subject themselves to discomfort, even if it is temporary.

I find myself in an environment that makes little sense to me.  After decades of absence and living in the United States, some things have changed, and others haven’t.  What has changed drastically is me!  My mindset is not the same as when I left, nor is my physical body.  I need to relearn everything to grow and soar. 

Relearning is defined as reacquiring previously learned knowledge or abilities after a period of time has passed. You probably have heard the old saying, “It is just like riding a bike; it’ll come back to you,” suggesting that our memory will kick in and expedite the learning experience to previous levels. 

RELEARN is also the fourth and final phase of my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN), which helps professionals to transform mindfully and with ease so you can soar in all areas of your life.  Currently, I am utilizing my study guides to help me wrap my head around my own massive transformation.  The tools I utilize in the RELEARN phase of SOAR are:

1. Learning to let go.
2. Raising your energy level
3. Practice to mastery
4. Finding the best version of yourself

1. Learning to let go.

As mentioned in previous articles and according to the philosophy of Taoism, we need to learn to release six areas in life.  They are:

1. a)     The past
2. b)    The future
3. c)     People
4. d)    The desire to rush things.
5. e)    Excess
6. f)      Ego

I am practicing letting go of all these things that hold us back and being present in the here and now.  I do feel pain in doing so, and it does not always come easily.  When thoughts of my past in the US or of the people I call friends come up, I acknowledge how much they mean to me and who I have become as a person through our interactions.  I am thankful for the experience, and that level of gratitude allows me to return to the here and now, where there are other people I cherish, appreciate, and love.  I also practice not listening to my ego while I am searching for employment.  And I refrain from projecting too far into the future and trying to rush things, as I know that what is for us will not pass us, and we cannot interfere with divine timing.

2. Raising your energy level

As an energy leadership index master practitioner, I recognize levels of energy and know when they serve us vs. when they don’t.  I also know how to raise my level of energy and that of others.  I am aware that victimhood is unpleasant, especially when we are feeling powerless over an extended period.  Such a state can lead to depression if unaddressed. There are, however, methods not to let it get to that point.  All we need to do is examine our attitude and question our thoughts to find other perspectives that better serve us.  In my current situation, I constantly remind myself that I am here by my own choice, and I look at everything I am learning about myself and my new environment.

3. Practice to Mastery

According to the Institute of Excellence in Coaching, there are ten disciplines we can practice to achieve Mastery of our Mindset and resonate at the highest levels of energy (see my series ten practices to unleash the career of your dreams on my blog https://belladonnacareercoach.com/ten-practices-to-unleash-the-career-of-your-dreams/).  While I do not want to go into detail at this point, I always recommend that my clients focus on the first three disciplines in every situation. 

1. a)     Awareness
2. b)    Acceptance
3. c)     Conscious Choice

I am fully aware of my current environment, circumstances, and feelings and accept them as they are right now.  Then I think about how I want to feel in that particular moment, and I choose whether to love it, leave it, or change it.  We are always at choice about our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  This is how we can remain in our power, even when we feel helpless.

4. Find the best version of yourself!

At the end of my signature coaching program, SOAR, you will have gained a deep understanding of who you are, what you stand for, your purpose, and what you are willing to tolerate.  With this knowledge, you can set goals for yourself and crush them.  Once you step into the shoes of your authentic self, you can conquer the world; that is precisely what I intend to do with my current transformation.  I am relearning to find the best version of myself to SOAR and live my best life on the European continent.

If you want to learn more about inner transformations, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.  I’ll be honored to be your guide.

I have been through a lot lately and feel like I have been in survival mode for several months.  I left 27 years of my life in the U.S. behind and have returned to my hometown, Bremerhaven, in Germany.  In preparation, I had to plan the logistics of taking my dog Boone with me, which in and of itself had its challenges.  I chose an international moving company, radically purged my belongings, and sold furniture on the marketplace on Facebook.  I sold my car – through an app, which was a new experience for me.  I canceled subscriptions and services and said goodbye to my friends.  All of this took a toll on me. 

I know I am not alone in dealing with a lot these days.  The end of a year can be overwhelming for many, between high expectations of spending the holidays with loved ones while still giving work a final push to achieve sales numbers and other targets.  Many of my clients could not wait for a well-deserved break, only to return to a somewhat chaotic workplace where e-mails have piled up, meetings are resuming, and angry customers are waiting for a return phone call. 

Everyone seems to be in survival mode, so below, I provide a few tips and tools to make it through and build your resilience because that is exactly what you ( and I ) need to avoid burnout.

1. Have a plan but remain flexible enough to change it.
2. Ask for help.
3. Remind yourself of hurdles you overcame in the past. 
4. Be kind to yourself.
5. Find a mantra that resonates with you. 
6. Have a plan but remain flexible enough to change it.

Whatever stressful life situation you face, things don’t always go according to plan.  Despite all my preparation to fly my dog to Germany well in advance, I had to delay our departure by three weeks because the veterinarian was unable to read his microchip, triggering a chain reaction that led to rebooked flights, significant cost increases, and relatives having to change their plans to pick us up at the airport. Sometimes, the ability to change plans on a dime can make the difference between a successful execution or a complete failure. Remaining flexible is key.

2. Ask for help.

By my admission, asking for help does not come easily to me.  I prefer doing things independently and don’t want to inconvenience others, even when they offer help. That is a weakness of mine and probably a lingering limiting belief that asking for help signals weakness.  Deep in my heart, I know that isn’t true.  Since we cannot be in multiple places at one time or clone ourselves, there were situations that absolutely required a friend’s or family member’s help.  We cannot do it all alone, and by allowing others to step in, we are granting others a sense of satisfaction to do good and make a difference. 

3. Remind yourself of hurdles you overcame in the past.

Suppose you have lived for a few decades like me. In that case, you have likely experienced obstacles at work or in life that required you to apply all your available coping skills to overcome them: grit, talking to a professional coach or therapist, physical activity, meditation, etc., to name a few. I know that challenging situations of the past have equipped me with all the skills I need to make it through the reintegration in Europe, and I am reminding myself of this daily. 

4. Be kind to yourself.

Frequently, we are our worst critics and judge ourselves much more complicatedly than others with compassion would.  If you add high expectations for quick and impressive results on top of that, you are putting yourself under undue pressure.  Imagine a close friend of yours was in the same situation; what advice would you give them?  Treat yourself with that same level of kindness and set some achievable goals. 

5. Find a mantra that resonates with you.

When I decided to move back to Germany, I wrote my late mother’s mantra on my bathroom mirror.  “You got this, Angela,” signed Mom.  I looked at it multiple times a day with an inner smile.  Mantra means “a tool for the mind.”  Its purpose is to stop negative thought loops, create a higher vibration, and focus our minds.  This may seem simple, but it works.  Find a mantra that resonates with you.  Here are a few suggestions I frequently use: “This, too, shall pass,” “Everything will work out fine,” “The universe has my back,” and “Trust the process.”  If these do not work for you, here is a list of over 100 mantras: https://mindfulnessbox.com/mantras-to-live-by/.

I am in Germany now, and while my adjustment period has not exactly gone smoothly, I have deep faith that everything will work out in my favor and that a bountiful future awaits.  Until I have more clarity about where I will live long-term and what I will do professionally, I will hold on to these survival tools to keep me going. 

If you are in survival mode and are seeking a professional coach to guide you mindfully through your transformation, reach out to me and ask me about my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.  I have faith in you.  You got this!

We are nearing the end of 2023.  For many, that means a final push towards professional, personal, or financial goals in addition to dealing with the stress of the holiday season.  If I asked you to rate your current level of anxiety on a scale of one to ten, with one being totally chill and ten in need of blood pressure medication, how would you score?  My level of anxiety is currently at nine as I am preparing for a permanent move back to Germany, a transformational decision that has been in the making for some time. 

Early this year, I developed my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases: SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN), which helps professionals transform mindfully and with ease so they can SOAR in all areas of their lives. And as I created this blueprint based on my past experiences in dealing with massive change, I witnessed my own transformation unfold throughout 2023.  Gratefully, I accepted the challenge to put myself through the SOAR program, and this is what I learned during the process:

1. SEEK

I took a deep dive into my values and re-assessed what was important to me and why.  I had two “aha moments” in recent years that shifted something in me: First it was the onset of COVID and spending much time in isolation.  I could not visit my family in Germany for two years and felt lonely and disconnected for the first time in the over 25 years that I had been living in the United States.  The second event was the death of my mom in September 2022. It filled me with grief, which some say is an expression of love.  I started questioning my future and how I wanted to live the rest of my life and concluded that family visits once or twice a year no longer fill my cup. I decided with much clarity and resolution to return to Europe by the end of this year to be closer to my family. 

2. OUTLINE

Once I had made my decision, I went into planning mode and outlined how I would get to my goal of moving across the Atlantic with my dog, Boone.  Moving is one of the major recognized causes of stress because it entails dealing with massive change.  Moving to another country, even if it is my motherland, adds a whole different layer of complexity.  I consider myself an excellent planner and was fully aware that this move would push me to my limits as I outlined my plan.

3. AWAKE

While dealing with the identification of international moving companies, researching rules and regulations related to traveling with a dog, and examining which of my belongings I truly wanted to take with me into my future, I constantly took on the role of the observer and checked in with my feelings. That is what the AWAKE phase of SOAR consists of: drawing attention to our thoughts, which cause our feelings and, ultimately, our actions. Once you are awake, you are in a position of power to choose thoughts that serve and support you. 

4. RELEARN

It is said that relearning is the highest form of learning.  Part of the RELEARN phase is to learn to let go, and I am not just talking about letting go of possessions.  There is much more that we can let go of, for example, our ego.  When I return to Germany, I am starting from zero.  That is a humbling experience, especially given the professional success I have had during my time here in the United States, and although I grew up in Germany, I will have to re-learn not only the customs of the country but, more importantly, examine the thoughts and beliefs I carry with me from childhood to see if they are still valid and serving me going forward. 

There you have it: an overview of SOAR and a review of my 2023 transformation.  I am hopeful and optimistic about what is waiting for me on the other side.  Transformations are never easy.  To quote Robin Sharma, “Yes, your transformation will be hard.  Yes, you will feel frightened, messed up, and knocked down.  Yes, you will want to stop.  Yes, it is the best work you’ll ever do.”

If you are going through a transformation, I am your girl.  Reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com and find out how you, too, can SOAR in 2024!  Cheers!

It is official – the 2023 Holiday season has begun.  Lights are brightening front yards, homes and store windows everywhere, bringing magic, joy, and hope to people around the world.  The famous New York City Christmas tree carries no less than 50,000 lights and a giant bright star, attracting millions to Rockefeller Plaza every year to catch a glimpse at its glory and warm their hearts. 

While those external lights are easily seen by the eye, we all carry an internal light, that albeit less apparent to our vision, can be equally as powerful in enhancing our wellbeing and that of others.  The internal light is frequently referred to as our soul or our spirit and in this article, I would like to share how you can brighten yours and become a beacon for others that may need a little help believing in themselves.

I love a good analogy and recently a client of mine was telling me about a story he read.  In it all humans were light bulbs.  The clearer our essence, the brighter we shine, but we are all subject to mud being thrown at us at any given time and that mud will build up on us and dim our light.  The mud is symbolic of the negativity we are subjected to. In order to shine our light, we need to clean up the mud.  You get the picture. 

So here are ten real-world things you can do to flick off the mud, brighten your inner light and share it with those surrounding you:

1. Smile – think of something that will turn the corners of your mouth up.  It is an easy act of kindness to share your smile with others.
2. Appreciation – Send a hand-written note to someone and tell them what you appreciate about them.  Make their day.
3. Be thankful – practicing gratitude will raise your vibration and bring in abundance.
4. Give back – whether it is through a donation or by spending time with people in need, charity is going to make someone’s world a brighter place.
5. Self-care – treat yourself to some “me-time” whatever that means to you, a massage, a hot cup of cocoa or curling up on the sofa with a captivating book.
6. Unplug – get away from screens and technology and take a walk outside to observe nature and hopefully catch some sun rays to fuel you up.
7. Give a compliment to a stranger – if you observe a behavior you feel is worth praising, let that person know and spread goodness.
8. Let go of negativity – if you feel like you have been wronged, try to forgive the person who may have triggered you and move on as fast as you can.
9. Call someone spontaneously – think of someone you care about and who has made a difference in your life and give them a call to check in on them.
10. Be present – listen to those around you and share your authentic self generously.

Remember, “Just as one candle lights another and can light thousands of candles, so one heart illuminates thousands of other hearts.“ (Leo Tolstoy).

Wishing you all much light and don’t let anyone dim yours in this holiday season or any time of the year!

Have you ever encountered or witnessed a person being written off and deemed not good enough to be successful or, even worse, a failure?  I have many times, and sadly, as we grow more mature, it seems to happen more frequently in life and at work.  You are being considered “over the hill” when you reach your fortieth birthday, suggesting that you have peaked physically, mentally, or both in your performance.  

Especially in the sports world, elite athletes are quickly written off once they reach a certain age.  People were constantly quoting Tom Brady’s age during his last several seasons and expecting that his skills and performance would drastically drop, yet they didn’t.  Another example is Diane Nyad, a marathon swimmer recently featured in a Netflix movie.  She was the first to swim from Cuba to Key West, Florida, without a protective cage at the age of 64 (!), upon her fifth attempt, despite many doubters encouraging her to let that dream go and give up. 

What differentiates these elite athletes who defy statistics?  It is a powerful performance mindset and their ability to consistently push themselves out of their comfort zone to prove that they are not done yet!  But peak performance doesn’t just occur in sports. It also applies to the corporate world. 

The corporate world can be a place where employees are seen as statistics.  There are quotas to be met in hiring for diversity.  Budgets are skewed towards less experienced and, therefore, younger hires and there are prejudices about being unable to “teach an old dog new tricks.”  That is unfortunate because those companies fitting my description are missing out on candidates with a peak performance mindset. 

What if a peak performance mindset could be cultivated?  Imagine how successful companies and their employees would be.  Think about the level of engagement and satisfaction individuals and teams could reach.  I believe it is a state that is not only desirable but also achievable. 

BetterUp, an organization with the mission to help people everywhere live their lives with greater clarity, purpose, and passion, is at the forefront of research regarding personal and career development. According to one of their studies, there are six skills to be developed within an organization and its employees to reach a peak performance mindset (find the entire blog here .

1. Build Resilience
2. Create a strong mental fitness practice.
3. Work with a coach
4. Practice Inner Work
5. Know (and set) your boundaries
6. Maintain your focus

On a personal level, I know that at the age of 58, I have not reached my peak performance yet, physically or mentally.  I am competing at Karate tournaments, winning trophies, and getting closer and closer to my dream of becoming a black belt, a journey I started over 40 years ago.  In my work as a professional coach, I am continuing to acquire knowledge about how the human mind works and how I can help others reach peak performance.  I am not done yet!

Winning trophies over a 40-year time span

If you would like to learn more about reaching your peak performance, ask me about my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases: SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN).  I help professionals transform mindfully and quickly so they can SOAR in all areas of their lives.  Reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call.

“Skeletons in the closet” is an idiom referring to an undisclosed fact about someone, which, if revealed, would damage perceptions about that person. And guess what – we all have them! There are parts of our past we’d rather conceal from family, friends, or employers out of fear of embarrassment, rejection, judgment, or punishment. Because, as humans, we have the need for acceptance and feeling safely connected to those who matter to us. 

We all have different thresholds when it comes to the severity of the consequences we fear if someone finds out about our skeletons.  The thresholds stem from our internal value system, societal norms, and laws.  And they have changed over time.  What was considered scandalous and devastating in the past, such as a child born to an unmarried woman, hereditary diseases, or sexual preferences, no longer carry the same stigma it did 100 years ago. 

On the other hand, social media has made the risk of exposure exponentially higher. News travels much faster than a century ago, making hiding in a closet more difficult.  So, my question to you is, what skeletons are in your closet? We cannot undo our past, but we can let go of the power we give to events or mindsets in our past that we feel no longer represent the person we have grown into.

I have been writing diaries on and off since I was 13 years old and keep every single one of them in an old trunk (the equivalent of a closet).  Trust me – there are many skeletons in there about the things I have done or considered doing.  Occasionally, I go back and read them, only to find out that I am no longer that person.  Some of my words cut like a knife. For example, I used the word “hate” even for close family members. I experienced marijuana as a teenager and kept track of every love interest and my interactions with them in great detail.  If you happen to be one of them, I guess I just let that skeleton out of the closet 👻 😀.

I have not always been able to share parts of my story that others might find offensive.  Especially as an executive, I kept a work persona and held up a façade.  Through therapy and coaching, I learned radical self-acceptance, forgiveness, and how to find a perspective of kindness towards myself and others, allowing me to be much more open about my past.  Getting to that point is tremendously freeing. 

I recently watched a movie called “A long shot.”  Charlie Theron plays U.S. Secretary of State Charlotte Field, who has ambitions to become the first female president.  She is being blackmailed by her opponents, who are threatening to release a video of her boyfriend masturbating. I can’t think of many people who would be willing to let that skeleton emerge from the closet, but in that movie, Charlotte decides to come clean when she announces her candidacy and to stand by her and her boyfriend’s actions.  In her words, “Don’t slut-shame me.  Deal with it!”

If you are seeking the courage to deal with your skeletons and you haven’t committed a crime or need the help of a priest or mental health professional, I might be able to assist you as your coach.  Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to find out more. 

Do you ever feel as if you are getting pulled into the drama and negativity of others at work or home? The people surrounding you are venting, judging, gossiping, or even worse, blaming others for their misery? I consider these interactions toxic and have a low tolerance for them because attitudes can be contagious, and I prefer to surround myself with positivity.

But let’s say you find yourself in an environment where you are frequently bombarded with these “emotional vampires,” as I call them. What can you do to protect yourself and not get sucked into the vortex of negativity?

Here is my recipe for setting healthy boundaries to protect your mental health when dealing with the constant negativity of an individual or group of people:

1. Identify the energy you are dealing with.
2. Respond to the current situation only.
3. Reflect upon your relationship and choose what serves you best.

1. Identify the energy you are dealing with.

As an energy leadership coach, I have been trained to read the energy of others on a scale of 1-7, with one being the lowest level of energy and seven being the highest, according to iPEC (the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching).

For this article, I will share how the two lowest levels of energy present themselves in the thoughts or words of the individual, the feelings they might express, and the actions they may take.

Most people will experience these energy levels at some point, especially when they are under stress, and they serve the purpose of survival. It becomes a challenge when someone lingers in these energetic areas without finding a productive way out of them.

2. Respond to the current situation only.

People acting within these lower levels of energy are volatile and most likely lack self-awareness of their current situation. They might be in tears or in a rage. Your role is to remain present, calm, and safe. If possible, hear them out and validate their feelings. You may disagree with their perspective of the situation, but at this point, it is irrelevant because your perspective will likely be ignored. Instead, listen actively and acknowledge what you heard. Provide them with the space they need to process the situation, gather themselves, and ask them how you could be of help. End the conversation on a positive note with encouragement by saying something like “This too shall pass” or “Tomorrow is another day,” even though it might sound superficial.

3. Reflect upon your relationship and choose what serves you best.

Once you have had time to process the encounter, ask yourself if you have observed a recurring pattern. Every one of us occasionally has a bad day, which should be allowed as part of the human experience as long as no one gets harmed. However, if the behavior of this person or group is a constant distraction and drain of energy, you need to make a choice about future interactions.

Depending on your relationship with the person or group, you might stop the energetic drain and eliminate them from your life entirely. If that seems too extreme of a step, you always have the choice of altering your interactions with these people and seeing them less frequently or under certain conditions only. Coaching them might be the best approach as it will raise their level of awareness and provide them with tools to better handle stressful situations in the long run.

If you or someone you know is interested in working with a coach who can help you increase your level of energy and transform your life, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

My Sunday church services introduced a new theme.  It is called “one the other side of yes.”  For the pastor and the community, the topic revolves around choosing Jesus as your savior and committing to him 100%.  I know, and I appreciate, that people have different views on spirituality or Christianity, and this is by no means a religious blog post.  It is about making major decisions in your life and what happens once you have made them. 

I am finding myself at a crossroads.  I recently decided that after 27 years of living in the United States I am returning to Europe.  It is a major leap of faith, and this decision has not come easily to me.  Yet, in my mind, I have reached the point of no return.  I recently posted a reel on Instagram, and the music title I chose was “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.”  (referring to me and my dog Boone 🐾).

This made me wonder – at what times and in what scenarios have you found yourself saying “yes” to a life-changing question?  I am not talking about the small yeses we make every hour of the day, like deciding what we will have for lunch, whether to wear a blue or a red outfit, coloring our hair, etc. You get the point. I am talking about commitment – the kind of commitment where you risk a lot, if not everything, about your current existence.  Marriage, having children, buying a home, moving to another state or country, choosing to live and love. 

Many people will go through life blindfolded.  I am observing this without judgment as there is some truth to the saying that ignorance is bliss.  I would like to explore the experiences where you were at a major crossroads and then consciously chose to commit to something big and disruptive. 

I can say for myself that I have done it multiple times in my life.  One of my earlier experiences was when I chose to live in France after high school and after I had back surgery.  I have vivid memories of getting on that train, the people at the station, the connections I made on the 24-hour train ride from Bremerhaven to Marseille, and my arrival in the early morning hours when the father of the household I was staying at picked me up.  I recall my thoughts of “What the hell was I thinking?!” yet, for me, moving to the South of France and all the other major yeses I committed to turned out pretty awesome.  Even looking at my 17-year-long marriage that ended in divorce, I am grateful for the lessons I learned, and these lessons will stay with me for the rest of my life. 

So here I am, making another life-changing decision to return to Europe. Much of my future is unknown, but I have faith that things will work out in my favor.  It is very well possible that I will have moments of “What the hell was I thinking?!”  I’ll also have a lifetime of wisdom and perspective and a family that will pick me up at the airport when Boone and I arrive.  I can’t wait to get to the other side of Yes.  Can I have an Amen?

How would you answer if I asked you how satisfied you are with your job and career?  Are you working in the field you imagined yourself in as a teenager or in your twenties (or even in your thirties and beyond)?  Have you achieved the level of income you hoped for?  Is your title in line with your qualifications and ambitions?  Is your work office-bound, or have you become a digital nomad? How long have you been with your current employer (or self-employed), and how long would you like to stay where you are? 

Your answers reveal much about how you envisioned your career path vs. how it unfolded, and contrary to common beliefs, career paths are typically not linear.  They take twists and turns that are determined by many variables we do not control, like where we were born, family traditions such as being from a long line of lawyers, doctors, or teachers, your education, your interests, technology, the economy, and so many more. On top of that are the conscious choices we make when at a career crossroads, such as staying home after becoming a parent, changing industries, moving for a better job, what to do after a layoff, or becoming an entrepreneur. 

We don’t make important decisions in a vacuum and are influenced by the perspectives of our family and friends and those who depend on us financially.  What I am interested to learn is:

1. How did you make your choices along your path when you were at a crossroads?
2. What have you learned from the experience?
3. Would you do it again?

In my career, I have changed industries several times.  Many of you know that one of my first jobs was as a flight attendant in Germany.  I worked in retail sales and the service industry, moved to the United States, and built my career within the Medical Device Industry.  I moved up the corporate ladder fast to Vice President in multi-billion-dollar companies, got laid off twice, and chose self-employment and self-development to find myself where I am today.  At another crossroads. 

In answering my own questions:

1. I followed my heart and sense of adventure to try new things.  I embraced opportunities to learn, meet people of different cultures, and grow.  I embraced challenges and new experiences, even if they were hard.
2. I learned to be adaptable and to thrive in different environments.  I found my passion to help others develop to their full potential.  I developed a curiosity for different perspectives and where they stem from.  I learned that it is okay to be human and have feelings and how to navigate them in a professional environment.  I discovered my voice, authentic self, values, and what I will and will not compromise on.
3. Yes, 100%, and I am about to do it all again, as I have decided to move to Europe and continue my life and career there. 

Following your path can be trying and requires courage.  Others might challenge you, question you, and even judge your choices.  And you will likely encounter doubts and fears about your decision to move forward.  You will quickly discover who your true friends are, for they will cheer you on, support you, and catch you when you fall. 

Following your path means taking a massive leap of faith.  I trust my instincts that my next move will be worth it.  I see total freedom on the other side. 

If you are unclear about your path, consider working with me as your guide and coach.  Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to chat. 

Recently, I had many conversations with clients and friends about our ego and how our ego can quickly get in one’s way.  A strong ego can lead to divisive perspectives where one party wins and the other one loses, as frequently observed in politics and the business world.  At other times, our ego might prevent us from taking risks, out of fear of exposure or embarrassment when things don’t pan out as planned, and consequently, we play it small.

Of course, our ego has a purpose; it dictates our self-perception and that of others, as well as the behaviors we choose to get what we want.  None of that is inherently bad, but when our ego gets out of balance and we attach to material things as a definition of our success and status, or to winning and feeling superior to others, our ego is running the show and rearing its ugly head. 

If all this talk about ego is too abstract for you, take a look at some common scenarios where the ego is either too strong or too weak:

Overly pronounced ego:

1. You desire a promotion. You are convinced that you are overdue for that advancement in your career.  Meanwhile, your peers are getting promoted left and right and you cannot help but feel jealous. 
2. You are in a team meeting, and you quickly get bored and even impatient with the direction of the discussion.  You feel your solution is obvious and superior to what others are coming up with and want to get on with it.
3. You are identifying with “shiny objects.”  You feel the need to accumulate luxury brand clothing, cars, and accessories to show to the world that you can afford them. 
4. You like to casually drop names of people you are affiliated with that may raise your status in the eyes of others, or you want to be recognized when entering a room (have you ever played the “do-you-know-who-I-am” card?)
5. You have a sense of entitlement.

Underdeveloped ego:

1. You don’t like to speak up in meetings because you feel that your opinion is less relevant than that of those who constantly dominate the discussion.
2. You are feeling inferior to your peers and that your life is boring in comparison to theirs. You see yourself as “less than” they are.
3. You take feedback personally and despise criticism.
4. You are overwhelmed by tasks or won’t even attempt to try because they seem too difficult for you to tackle.
5. You are ashamed about how you handled yourself in a stressful situation.  You lost your composure and now wish you were invisible.

Now, some people may argue that ego is a driver of success, and they are convinced that hanging on to a strong ego guarantees moving up the corporate ladder or whatever career path they choose.  I would like to offer a different perspective: Letting go of ego allows you to reach higher levels of consciousness and, therefore, higher levels of success while lifting up those around you.  You see when you approach life from a perspective of non-judgment and oneness, you can let go of ego and find inner peace, wisdom, and absolute passion, and you know what?  That level of energy is contagious!  So, my advice to you can be summarized in a sentence you may have seen outside a conference room before entering a meeting: “Check your ego at the door.”  

If you are struggling with an over- or underdeveloped ego, I suggest working with a professional coach.  Contact me to see if I am the right coach for you.  My signature program, SOAR (the acronym for the four phases SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) helps professionals like you to transform mindfully and with ease so that you can SOAR in all areas of your life.  Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to learn more.