We have entered week four of my August challenge to become the best version of ourselves and SOAR to new heights.  If you have followed my tips and recommendations, you have probably made some major progress toward your goals.  Kudos to you!  With less than two weeks left in this month, I have two more articles to share with you and today’s is focused on “cleaning house”. 

By now you have realized that every transformation, even the outer ones like weight loss, starting a new career, giving up alcohol or cigarettes, or moving to a new country, all starts on the inside with a thought that becomes an intention. That initial thought is fragile.  Often, we dismiss it or tune it out by finding excuses for why our idea will not work out. To nurture this precious thought that could change your identity and reveal the best version of yourself, you need to “clean house”, and by that, I mean you need to let go of the internal and external clutter that has weighed you down and clogged up your brain.  That includes but is not limited to:

• Spaces in your home, like your garage, attic, fridge, closets, and drawers
• Habits that no longer serve you.
• Negative self-talk
• Your language, which is an outer reflection of your thoughts.
• Your hard drive
• Your circle of friends

Shoukei Matsumoto, the author of “A Monk’s Guide to a Clean House and Mind” said, “Once you learn to see how your inner turmoil manifests itself through your surroundings, you can reverse engineer this, mastering yourself by mastering the space in which you live.”

I made decluttering my home part of my success formula and tackled multiple closets, drawers, and my computer.  The criteria I use to sort through what I want to keep are simple: Do I need this and if I don’t, does it at least bring me joy? When I move to Europe, would I want to pay for the shipping?  Whether or not you see a physical move in your near future is less important than the first two criteria.  Don’t hold on to clothes that don’t fit you anymore, let go of any excess that weighs you down and holds you back from living your best life. 

When it comes to my inner world, I have cleaned the house by embracing sobriety.  It has undoubtedly provided me with clarity and resolve about the direction I want to take in my life as the best version of myself.  I also know some amazing coaches and surround myself with positive people who support me in my endeavor to SOAR. 

SOAR is the name of my signature coaching program (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) which helps professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life.  If you are interested in exploring coaching with me, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Are you ready to SOAR?

We have entered week three of my August challenge to become the best version of ourselves and SOAR. Last week I had a minor setback due to cold symptoms that kept me from being as active as I wanted to be. I recovered the next day, no big deal, but when setbacks are not handled with grace and mindfulness, they have the potential to derail you from achieving your goals.

Setbacks are defined as temporary defeats or slowing of progress, and they often occur at the most inopportune times. Setbacks can be both internal and external in nature. Internal setbacks occur when we give up self-control for a short-term fix. For example, when we cheat on our diet. External setbacks are out of our control. For example, dealing with a natural disaster like flooding or fires. Regardless of the source, building resilience and knowing how to deal with setbacks will help you in the long run to hold on to your dreams and bounce back quickly; no matter what life throws at you.

Here are a few tips on how I deal with setbacks:

1. Become mindful of the situation.
2. Accept the situation.
3. Assess your options.
4. Act and move on.
5. Find the gift.

1. Become mindful of the situation.

Let’s assume something just happened to you. Perhaps you were triggered by a colleague or your manager and one of your buttons got pushed. You are spiraling into a stress reaction. Your brain releases hormones that signal a threat and before you know it you are in a fight-or-flight situation. The threat may not be real life or death, but your body does not know the difference. In this state, it is completely normal to react and take actions that are familiar to us, even if they do not serve us, e.g., have outbursts we later regret or compensate with food, drinks, or other substances to numb our feelings. The best step to take in this situation is to stop, breathe and direct your mind to the present. You need to raise your level of consciousness to make choices that serve you.

2. Accept the situation.

Whatever tragedy or stressful scenario we just experienced, it is normal to re-live it in our mind over and over and it is easy to spiral out of control. Once you have quieted your mind, try to look at the facts of what just happened without giving it meaning or interpreting it. Try to find the truth and accept it for what it is. When you have moved on to acceptance without judgment against yourself or others you get to choose how to proceed.

3. Assess your options.

Love it, leave it, or change it summarizes your options in any given situation. iPEC (the Institute of Excellence in Professional Coaching) expanded on this concept and provides us with five options to cope:

1. Remain a victim.
2. Accept the situation.
3. Change the circumstances of the situation.
4. Change your mindset about the situation.
5. Leave the situation.

Choosing how we proceed gives us freedom. To quote James C. Collins, “We are not imprisoned by circumstances, setbacks, mistakes or staggering defeats, we are freed by our choices.”    

4. Act and move on.

The faster you leave the past behind the quicker you can return to your goals. You started this journey for a reason and perhaps you need to remind yourself of why you embarked on it in the first place. Once you have decided how to respond to whatever it is that set you back, act on it. Do not let a single occurrence turn into a bad day, let alone a bad week. Get back on that horse and move on!

5. Find the gift.

A peer coach recently said to me that setbacks are just opportunities to reaffirm our goals. No matter what you encountered, living through a setback made you a stronger person and better for it. That in and of itself is a gift. 

Perhaps you can find other gifts. Please share your experiences with me. I would love to hear from you.

You are now well equipped to deal with any kind of setback on your journey to become the best version of yourself and SOAR to new heights. SOAR is the name of my signature coaching program (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) which helps professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life. If you are interested in exploring coaching with me, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Are you ready to SOAR?

You are one week into the August challenge to become the best version of yourself and SOAR. Quick check-in.  How are things going for you? If you want to set yourself up for success and be thriving, motivated and determined as I am feeling, and have a strong “why” as covered in part 1 of this series, please keep reading!

An Australian motivational speaker, Matthew Kelly sums it up nicely when saying, “Anything and Anyone that does not help you to become the best version of yourself is too small.” So, how can you make sure you are not playing it safely and aiming high enough? Here are my recommendations to set yourself up for success:

1. Envision your future self.
2. Be intentional and mindful.
3. Set up your environment for success.
4. Create your “success formula”.
5. Find ways to hold yourself accountable.

1. Envision your future self.

No matter if your goals are to transform your outer self (e.g., through weight loss, muscle gain, greater flexibility or a different hair color 🙋🏼♀️) or your inner self (e.g., becoming more spiritual or spreading more kindness) I encourage you to spend time envisioning how that best version of yourself looks like, thinks, feels, and acts. What are the behaviors and habits you wish to cultivate and what will it mean for you to accomplish your goals? What will others notice about you that is different? Once you have determined that vision capture it in either a letter or a video speaking to you now as your future self – the best version of yourself you are trying to become, who is so much wiser than your current self. Envisioning your future self makes your goal real and within reach.

2. Be intentional and mindful.

I have emphasized the importance of being intentional and mindful in the past. If you are not intentional, you are merely coasting without a compass or a destination. And if you are not mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and actions you are a) not present and b) might harbor self-sabotaging thoughts such as “this is too hard”, or “why would I achieve this now, I haven’t in the past.”

3. Set up your environment for success.

“Out of sight, out of mind” is a saying usually expressed in relation to people we don’t see for a while, but I apply it to my environment as well. For example, part of my August challenge is to remain alcohol-free and to watch my nutrition. I have removed any alcoholic beverages from my home and have shopped only for groceries that support my goals. If you minimize your exposure to what tempts you, especially in moments of weakness, you are more likely to succeed.

4. Create your “success formula”.

Do you know under what circumstances you perform at your best? We reach our highest potential when we optimize the six influencers that can reduce or increase our level of energy. These influencers or stressors are:

• Spiritual
• Mental
• Emotional
• Physical
• Social
• Environmental

My success formula for the month of August includes attending church service every Sunday and journaling about my progress. I have a template available for you to create your personal success formula. Just message me if you like a copy. 

5. Find ways to hold yourself accountable.

Accountability and commitment are key to becoming the best version of yourself. Some find this easy; others resist sharing how they are doing publicly, perhaps out of fear of exposure or judgment. I feel that the more transparent I am about what I am doing and how it is going, the more I can improve and fine-tune my approach. I use tracking apps to log my progress daily (Fitbit, Macros, Sunnyside, etc.) and post about my progress on social media, but you don’t have to go to that length. A close friend, significant other, or coach makes for a great accountability partner.

You now have an understanding of the major success factors required to become the best version of yourself and SOAR to new heights. SOAR is the name of my signature coaching program (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) which helps professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life. If you are interested in exploring coaching with me, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Are you ready to SOAR?

“Old habits die hard” is an idiom dating back a few hundred years, although its origin is not entirely known.  It describes, very poignantly, that humans have difficulty stopping something they have been doing for a long time, even if that behavior is destructive to them.  Pause for just a second and think about this – most people would rather continue to accept their circumstances in a toxic workplace, relationship, or their own self-sabotaging behavior than put in the work to change.  

In this new series, which aligns with the August 2023 challenge to become the best version of yourself and SOAR, I will be laying out a step-by-step guide to help you make changes that will last and help you reach your full potential.  I will uncover what can get in your way and how to deal with setbacks if they arise. You will be well-equipped when you decide to kick an old habit that no longer serves you to the curb.  

Lao Tzu once said, “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”, perfectly capturing that to reach our full potential we must first change our identity.  Our identity consists of every belief we have about ourselves. Our identity is grounded in our values and our purpose, and to change our identity requires us to bring it to our consciousness.  

Ask yourself some questions about the principles that guide you.

• What is your personal North Star? 
• Which of your personality traits has made you succeed in past situations? 
• What are your strengths?
• If you were guaranteed triumph, what would you dare to do?
• What are you passionate about? 
• What activities did you like to do as a kid? 

The answer to these questions might not come easily and will require some deep reflection, which will guide you to what makes you uniquely you.  If you are struggling, ask a close friend or family member what they think your greatest qualities are. This process is called “finding your WHY”, which is also known as your identity.  

Some people believe that making changes is all about discipline and the ability to follow through. The truth is that while discipline is certainly a success factor, knowing your why and establishing an identity that supports you in committing to your goals is what will get you through the tough times and self-sabotaging behavior of falling back into your old habits.  

My why for committing to the August challenge is that mindfulness is one of my core values.  As a professional coach, I know that making changes that last and achieving our highest potential can only come through bringing awareness to our thoughts and patterns, and by raising our level of consciousness so that we make choices that better serve us.  

In my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN), finding your identity is where we start if you want to transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life.  If you are interested in exploring coaching with me, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. Are you ready to SOAR?

Contrary to common beliefs coaches are not advice-givers.  Coaches trust that all answers to a client’s problem lie within the client.  Even though I may have experienced similar situations in the workplace to my clients, I cannot assume that my solutions or advice will have the desired outcome for my client.  During a typical coaching call, I will mostly ask empowering questions (see part 9 of this series Asking Empowering Questions ).  There are rare occasions when I exchange my coaching hat with my consultant hat and share my insights with a client.  

In this tenth and final article in the series “Utilizing coaching skills to become a better leader” I will cover how you can effectively share your insights with your teams to reach your goals.  

Wilson Milzner once said, “To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it”, indicating that advice from others is seldom welcomed or followed.  If you don’t want your advice to fall on deaf ears, I suggest that you ask others for permission to share your own experiences and insight and give them a choice. This not only allows them to be more open to your ideas, but it also shows that you know that your thoughts are not the only way forward. 

Framing how you share information can also impact how others receive it. Here are a few examples suggested by iPEC (the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) on how to best share information:

• The latest research says…
• I once heard…
• Most of my clients…
• Many people in your situation…

And my favorite:

• Let me share a story with you…

After you provide the information, ask them how what you just shared resonated with them and how it might apply to their situation.  Be authentic and relatable when sharing information so that others do not feel like they are being lectured.  Try to keep the energy light and maybe even use humor to get your point across. 

I suggest imparting your own insights and sharing information wisely and sparingly, otherwise, you might be seen as a know-it-all, and nobody likes those.  Great leaders and coaches alike trust that every person has the answer to their problem inside of them and they know how to guide others mindfully to the solution.  

If you are interested in exploring coaching for yourself to become a better leader, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com and ask me about my signature program called SOAR.  SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases of the program SEEK, OUTLINE, AWAKE, and RELEARN) helps professionals like you to transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life.  Are you ready to SOAR?

One of the biggest downfalls of some leaders is assuming that they have all answers and that their approach is superior to everyone else’s. Effective leaders assume they know very little and seek answers from their team by utilizing one of the most important coaching techniques – asking empowering questions. 

Not all questions are equal or empowering. Some questions are judgmental in nature and put others on the defense. A manager with the habit of asking questions like “Who screwed this up?”, “Why are we behind schedule?” or “What seems to be your problem?” is looking for a scapegoat, instead of focusing on solutions. 

Empowering questions on the other hand cause a person to search for new possibilities. They are expansive in nature. According to iPEC (The Institute for Excellence in Coaching), empowering questions are:

• Powerful
• Open-ended
• Clarity seeking
• Probing
• Challenging
• Thought-provoking
• Future-directed
• Solution-oriented

Empowering questions begin with “how”, “what”, “when”, “where”, and “if” or simply ask “tell me more”. Empowering questions are asked with curiosity, never with judgment. 

The benefits of asking empowering questions in the workplace have been recognized in many leadership books and magazines. These questions can cause a boost in motivation, morale, and confidence, and can lead to an increase in learning and self-awareness.

Here are some examples of my favorite questions to ask clients:

• What are you learning about yourself?
• What is holding you back?
• What is another way to look at that?
• How true is that?
• What does that mean to you?
• What could get in the way?
• How can I be of assistance?

I encourage you to make asking empowering questions a habit in your daily life, not just in the workplace, and observe how it will change your relationships. My prediction is that you will learn things you never knew about others and that asking empowering questions will broaden your mindset. If you need help in developing the skill of asking empowering questions, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I am happy to tell you more.

Have you ever felt stuck and completely blocked when trying to resolve a problem? It happens frequently to my clients during coaching sessions. The good news is there is a coaching technique that helps get those creative juices flowing again. This technique can also be utilized as an effective leadership tool to generate ideas and choose the best direction to proceed – it is called “brainstorming”. 

While most of us have probably participated in brainstorming sessions, they may not have been run with the parameters to get the best outcome. Brainstorming is defined as a divergent thinking process of gathering a large number of ideas in a short amount of time. It involves free-flowing, non-judgmental, and spontaneous sharing of many ideas on a specific topic or problem. The key word is “non-judgmental”, which can be a challenge amongst participants especially when individuals dismiss the validity of someone else’s thoughts and give greater value to their own idea.

When you google “brainstorming techniques”, you get numerous suggestions, such as the five whys, mind mapping, the star bursting method, and many, many more. You get to choose which one best suits your style. 

As a coach, I have the firm belief that the answers to all questions lie within. I do not impose solutions but trust that my clients already know what is best for them. I simply help them switch from the left side of the brain, which is the analytical part, to the right side, which is the creative side. I initiate the process by asking the client for permission to brainstorm with them, where we are both throwing out ideas and I emphasize that we are holding off on evaluating the ideas until later. Then I start the process by proposing an outrageous or funny thought to break the ice. Then it is the client’s turn to do the same. Once we are running out of ideas, the client gets to choose which idea(s) to implement.

In group settings, I frequently propose the “yes, and method” (as opposed to yes, but), which picks up on a certain portion of an idea and builds upon it. Many people tend to judge other people’s ideas, which will limit the amount of creativity in the brainstorming process. The yes, and method assumes that there is always a portion of validity in an idea that can be picked up and improved upon without entirely dismissing it.

I hope I have given you some food for thought on how you can utilize brainstorming as a tool in your leadership bag to generate ideas for your team and bring out the best in them. It should be a fun activity that improves teamwork and communication if done right. If you want to learn more about improving your leadership skills or your own performance, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I’d love to chat.

Frequently we move from one task to another without taking a moment to reflect on major milestones or goals we have accomplished. The downside of this behavior is we are shortchanging ourselves from recognizing our abilities to follow through on commitments and reach our goals. Coaches and leaders alike know the power to stop and celebrate even after small wins. 

Most people wouldn’t think of celebrating as a skill to work on, yet, when we do, we are honoring someone’s accomplishment. We celebrate big life and career events such as weddings, birthdays, graduations, promotions, or retirement, but miss out on celebrating the progress we made, how far we have come, staying true to our values, etc. What if I told you that celebrating small wins along the way will increase motivation, productivity, and engagement among your employees? How willing would you be to give it a try?

When we celebrate, our brain releases feel-good hormones which boost our mood and motivation; feelings we crave and want to experience repeatedly. Therefore, it only makes sense for a coach or leader to encourage celebrating frequently when small goals are reached. 

Now, this does not mean getting out the champagne and confetti gun for every small win. Praising a team member publicly can be considered a celebration. The important thing is that when celebrating we do pause for a moment and reflect and acknowledge positive behaviors. That can sound something like this:

• “Nice job leading the conversation with our vendor in the last meeting. You really communicated our needs very well and got us a step closer to signing a contract with them that allows all of us to benefit!”
• “Well done. You followed through on your commitments, which kept the project plan on track!”
• “I am so proud of you for tackling this task. I know you had major hesitations as it was out of your comfort zone but look at how far you have come.”

There is much evidence that celebrating small wins positively impacts behavior and culture at work. So, don’t miss out on adding “celebrating the small wins” as a new tool in your leadership bag.

If you need help reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I am happy to model celebrating every day of our lives!

Are you a person who follows through on their commitments, or do you need constant reminders to complete a task? When it comes to accountability, we all have different needs as to how much oversight we consider to be appropriate to keep us on track, and for leaders, it is important to understand what those needs are to balance oversight and not fall into the traps of micromanagement or blame.

In the corporate environment, people are commonly managed through goals to achieve desired behavior and results. Exceeding those goals consistently, typically leads to growth and advancement. On the other hand, when an employee is either incapable or disengaged and misses their goals, the performance of the entire team can be negatively impacted.

As a professional coach, I am responsible for holding clients accountable for their commitments so that they progress toward the goals they set for themselves. This is a skill set that leaders can greatly benefit from to drive the performance of their teams. Here are a few do’s and don’ts when it comes to holding others accountable:

Do’s

• Ask your employees how they want to be held accountable to be successful.
• Check on their level of commitment to the task. What obstacles could get in the way and what might you do to help remove those?
• What intervals of check-ins can you both agree on? As a manager, you need to give your employees some freedom, yet not go too long between follow-ups so that you can intervene when commitments are not being kept.
• During check-ins ask open-ended questions about what progress has been made
• Praise your employees for the progress achieved.

Don’ts

• Assume that one approach works for all people.
• Become a micromanager.
• Pass judgment or blame when commitments were not fulfilled. Instead, ask with curiosity about what got in the way.

I am certain that your employees will appreciate being held accountable in a mindful way that demonstrates a level of trust and support. If you happen to deal with a challenging employee who notoriously fails to follow through on their commitments, find out what keeps getting in the way. In the end, as the leader you are accountable for the success of the entire team, and following these do’s and don’ts on how to hold others accountable will help you to keep them on track.

If you need an accountability partner to consistently crush your goals, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. 

I experienced the power of planting the seed long before I became a coach. A friend of mine has mastered the art of planting the seed using suggestive powers that have worked on me a few times. It has led to some of my most memorable experiences in life, such as celebrating my 50th birthday in Paris. In this article, I will share how this tool works and how you can practice it to improve your leadership abilities.

According to iPEC (The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) when you are planting the seed you project the expectation in the other person that they can do something. Because you expressed your belief and confidence in that person, they will consciously and subconsciously think about a solution. The questions you’ll ask assume a positive outcome.

So, in the case of my friend, the questions she asked me about my 50th birthday sounded something like this:

• What if we celebrated your 50th birthday in Paris? (Pause for a reaction)
• When we celebrate your 50th birthday in Paris, what activities shall we plan? (Assuming 100% that it will happen)
• Who do you envision will come to your birthday party in Paris? (Making your wheels spin)
• What kind of an experience would you like your guests to have from your birthday party in Paris? (Envisioning the outcome)

In the business world, the tool of planting the seed works equally as well as it sparks ideas and ignites your imagination if used in a positive, expansive way. You’ll start thinking in terms of possibilities instead of restrictions or obstacles. Now, planting seeds has a downside if it comes from a place of negativity, and the seeds you plant expand into doubts and fears. There is even a saying by William Wordsworth reminding us, “Your mind is a garden. The harvest can either be flowers or weeds.”

Let’s focus on the positive effect that planting the right seed has on your team and how you can utilize this tool during your next one-on-one or team meetings. Asks questions with curiosity such as “When we figure out a solution, what will be different and improved?” or “Once you have reached this milestone, how will we celebrate?”. You get the idea. Imply the positive outcome has already happened without focusing on exactly how it will happen.

Now, going back to my 50th birthday party in Paris – it was epic, and I don’t use that word lightly. Over 30 friends and family members gathered to celebrate me in my favorite city in the whole world. What made this event so special to me was how paths intersected and different worlds met. My family met my friends and vice versa and I realized how blessed I am with both. And it all started with a small seed that was planted when my friend asked me “What if we celebrated your 50th birthday in Paris?”

If you would like to learn more about how planting the seed can help you become a better leader, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call. I look forward to hearing from you.

Good leaders have a high level of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. They keenly observe their own thought patterns, beliefs, and actions and effectively choose what serves them to lead their teams. Great leaders know how to support others in becoming aware of their own emotional intelligence leading to a high level of self-awareness that increases productivity while also improving team culture. 

Behavioral changes only take place once an individual becomes aware of the impact their actions have on others and they understand that our actions stem from our thoughts and perspective of how we view the world, as well as our place in it. Coaches utilize a technique called “creating awareness” that helps clients uncover the root thoughts and beliefs that drive their feelings and actions.  

If you are a team leader and are observing sabotaging behaviors amongst team members that get in the way of achieving the team’s goals, such as procrastination, heavy judgment, or a victim mentality, you need to intervene. I encourage you to try some of these methods suggested by iPEC (The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching) to create greater awareness amongst your team leading to better results.

Share your observations

In a safe and private setting, share the patterns you are observing about your team member without judgment and ask them to reflect on it. This can look like: “I noticed during our last team meeting that you seemed distant and disengaged from our discussion. What are your thoughts about that?”  

Observe and recognize shifts

If you observe sudden changes in tone, body language, facial expression, recurring vocabulary or energy, bring it to the attention of the individual and look for insights. For example: “I noticed that when talking about your interactions with this client your tone became very agitated and you used the word “entitled” several times. What is coming up for you right now?”

Leverage insights

If your team member voices some sort of insight by saying things like “I just had an epiphany” or “In reflecting upon this, I just realized XYZ”, dig deeper and find out what that realization is. Ask empowering questions and let the person elaborate, for example, “How does this new awareness change your actions going forward?” or “What are you learning about yourself?” are great ways to leverage new insights. 

Creating awareness in yourself and others takes some practice, but when done well it changes the team dynamics and performance for the better. If you would like to find out how you could benefit from coaching, reach out for a free discovery call at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I look forward to hearing from you. 

The moral of the parable is that humans tend to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experiences, and they ignore other people’s limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true (source Wikipedia). This happens ALL THE TIME and can easily be the source of arguments or misunderstandings in life and at work. As coaches, we utilize a technique called reframing to identify perspectives that better serve our clients when they choose a perspective that is either limiting or not constructive. 

Once leaders realize that different perspectives are not threatening their position but are simply input that can help them discover the truth in unifying all perspectives, they can utilize the same technique to become more effective in harmonizing their team, making decisions, reducing stress for themselves and others, and in one-on-one meetings with their employees. As it shows in the parable – the fact that each blind man was describing a part of the elephant, while each man was right, they were limited in their views because they had limited perspective.

Here is an easy way to describe how reframing works in three steps:

1. 1. Recognize the negative thought.
   2. Challenge the thought.
   3. Replace the thought with one that is more positive.

Let’s look at some real-life examples of how you might reframe the thoughts of your team members or even your own thoughts as a leader.

Example 1

A team member is disappointed about not receiving a promotion they were fully expecting and internalizes the event as a personal setback. They think they’ll never get ahead and their efforts are not appreciated.

Questions to ask:

• • What might you gain from not being promoted right now? 
  • How can you maximize the time you have gained from not taking on more responsibilities to upskill? 
  • If this happened to your best friend, what advice would you give them?

The point of asking these questions is to offer a more positive perspective to deal with the situation, in hopes that this employee might find a silver lining that will enable them to continue pushing towards their goals. 

Example 2

You received an e-mail from your manager. It is full of exclamation points and sounds demanding to you. You are upset and get frustrated about how you feel treated with disrespect. 

Questions to ask:

• • How true is my interpretation of the meaning of this e-mail?
  • What else is going on (under what circumstances might your manager have sent the mail?)
  • Is there another way of interpreting the situation? 

When you step back for a moment and entertain that your perception may not give you the full picture behind that e-mail, you might get to a place where you just look at the facts and those should not be as hurtful as what you made them mean. 

Reframing takes some practice, but when done well it changes the dynamics of a situation and shifts it to a positive place. If you would like to find out how you could benefit from reframing your thoughts more frequently, reach out for a free discovery call at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

There are over 100 feelings that one can express, and I encourage everyone to expand their vocabulary when it comes to naming the feeling they are having or observing in others.

Validating feelings in others does not mean that you agree with the other person’s thoughts or actions. It simply means that you are normalizing what they are experiencing. When validating feelings, you should never say “I know how you are feeling”, because you don’t. You may have experienced a similar situation and might be able to relate, but our feelings and the way we experience them are unique to everyone. 

Instead, try one of the following sentence stems suggested by iPEC (The Institute of Excellence in Coaching):

• • “You have every right to feel (pick a feeling from the wheel of emotions and name it), because…”
  • “It is understandable you feel X, given the circumstances.”
  • “Based on your values, it is completely normal you feel (name the feeling)”
  • “It is not surprising you feel X based on what you just experienced.”

You get the gist; name the feeling you observe and normalize the situation for the other person. When you practice validation with your team, you create an environment of empathy and allow the team to express themselves authentically and without the fear of being judged. 

Validating feelings is a great tool not only for leaders at work but in all areas of life. Make it a habit within all your relationships and observe how it may deepen them. Let me know how it goes and if you need help practicing, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

The scope of my coaching clients ranges from individual contributors and newly appointed managers to experienced executive leaders. While they all have their own unique challenges, there are many recurring themes in each of these roles:

• • Struggling to openly show who they are and what they value
  • Sharing knowledge and best practices
  • Dealing with difficult employees
  • Having work/life balance
  • Integrating team members
  • Tolerating other perspectives

Leading ourselves and others is not always easy, especially when we are not taught how to lead effectively and are attempting to figure it out through trial and error. That is where coaching comes in. It supports you by raising the level of awareness and shortening the learning curve by providing tools and a safe space to develop new soft skills in a judgment-free zone. 

I thought sharing some basic coaching tools to enhance your leadership abilities would be useful.

The first tool is listening. Frequently, leaders are only listening with one ear, having the answers to the questions already in their head, and quickly dismissing contributions that might be off the mark or at least not what they wanted to hear. Not only will team members pick up on this, but they are also likely to keep answers to themselves going forward out of fear of being exposed, discredited, or rejected. This can cost the leader valuable input when making decisions. 

Active listening is the only way to stay fully present in a conversation. When executed well, it will provide the leader with the information they may have otherwise missed, and it builds trust within the team when people feel they are being heard and understood. 

Active listening is a building block towards empathy and compassion because people will only open up and be vulnerable when they know that what they are saying is being met with understanding. 

Here is how to practice becoming a better listener:

1. Remove disturbances
2. Avoid interrupting
3. Paraphrase what you heard
4. Pick up on non-verbal clues
5. Ask empowering questions

Let’s dig deeper into each of these practices.

1. Remove disturbances

Whether you are in a team meeting, or someone walks into your office for a quick conversation, take your fingers off your keyboard or your cell phone and focus on the other person. In meetings have a “no display policy”, where computers remain closed, and phones are face down unless needed for research or presenting.

2. Avoid interrupting

Let the other person finish their thoughts and sentences without interrupting them. This may not always be feasible, especially when your counterpart likes to hear themselves talk or goes down a rabbit hole, but interrupting should be the exception and not the rule.

3. Paraphrase what you heard

Summarize what was said by saying something like “what I heard you say…”, “my understanding is..”, or “it sounds like…” this lets the other person know that you heard them and gives them the opportunity to confirm or deny

4. Pick up on non-verbal clues

A person’s body language and facial expression tell you a lot about their emotional state, and it is perfectly okay to acknowledge your observation by stating it. For example, “I can see your excitement about this by your big smile” or “I can tell that you are frustrated by the tension in your voice”

5. Ask empowering questions

To get the full picture of what your team member is sharing, avoid closed-ended questions that will only give you a “yes” or “no” response, which is limiting. Instead ask questions with curiosity that start with “when”, “what” or “how”. I have written an article about empowering questions in the past, if you are interested in learning more about this topic (https://belladonnacareercoach.com/the-art-of-asking-empowering-questions/)

Active listening is complex and requires practice, especially in a world full of distractions. However, once you master it the benefits are rewarding beyond your imagination. Let me know how it goes and if you need help practicing, contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com.

What I would like to do is invite you to choose an alternative perspective. Rather than labeling feelings as “good” or “bad”, how about embracing them as “rich” and serving a purpose? That is right, ALL feelings serve a purpose. They are indicators of your response to a certain situation. No more, no less. When you think of other indicators in your environment, e.g., a clock that indicates time, or a traffic light that indicates go or stop, how much power do you allow them to have over you? Hopefully very little.

Feelings are fleeting. They come and they go. I would like to share with you how I learned to regulate my feelings in a way that serves me. I call it my “touch-and-go approach”. With a little bit of practice, you too can learn to regulate your emotional responses when triggered. Here is how.

The touch-and-go approach to dealing with uncomfortable emotions:

1. 1. Pause for a moment and become the observer of what is going on within you. If you are physically in an office environment, I encourage you to find a spot where you can be alone. If possible, step outside and maybe take a walk around the building. 
   2. Label your feeling. Grab the wheel of emotions and name the culprit in as much detail as possible. Work your way from the inside of the wheel to the outside of the wheel and get granular.
   3. Sit with it and accept the feeling for what it is and without judging yourself. There is a reason why you are responding in this particular way. An outside trigger has threatened your identity and you are coping the only way you know. 
   4. Resist the temptation to act. At work, this appears to be the most common challenge. Especially if you feel wronged. Someone stepped on your toes, violated your values, threatened your position, embarrassed you, etc. The list is endless. Try not to fire back with a reactive e-mail or a verbal attack.
   5. Ground yourself. Meditate, breathe, sleep on it, whatever it takes for your nervous system to calm down in a healthy way. The emphasis here is on responding in a “healthy” way. Reaching for a drink or other substance is not a healthy response.
   6. Question the truth. Your emotional response was likely a reaction to how you interpreted a certain situation and the meaning you gave it. If you stripped that situation down to the truth and the actual facts, was it really that bad? Is there another way to interpret the situation?
   7. Lastly, choose a response that better serves you. If you are struggling with this step, I encourage you to become curious about yourself, your response, and what you have learned from it. 

As long as you gain new insights, you are growing and building muscle memory in your nervous system which will lead to different responses in the long run. Eventually, you will be able to move through these seven steps quicker and it will become a touch-and-go response.

Coaching can be a great way to build this muscle memory faster as you gain a greater sense of self-awareness about your triggers and your responses. As a coach, I help professionals with mindful transformations so they can SOAR in all areas of their lives. SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn) is the name of my signature program. Contact me for more information at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com to learn more. I look forward to chatting with you.

If one thing can set me off, it’s openly displayed ignorance or defiance. Picture a person responding to your feedback with “whatever” (eye-rolling implied). It drives me crazy when people don’t care so it may surprise you that I suggest caring less as a viable business strategy.  

Many successful people have a certain trait in common; they might be ambitious go-getters with a desire to control the outcome. I know because that is how I operated in my past corporate executive roles. It was difficult for me to learn there is a different path that can set you up for equal if not greater success. It is called detaching from the outcome. 

As a coach, I frequently introduce my clients to this concept. The idea is to care less about the outcome, realize what is in your control vs. out of your control, and approach every situation with a learning mindset. Voilà you have been introduced to the ABC method of guaranteed success.

Within my signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn) I first encourage my clients to answer the following questions:

1. 1. What does “success” mean to you? 
   2. Which of the factors you just listed do you have 100% control over? 
   3. What typically happens when your expectations of a successful outcome do not materialize?

Their answers tell me a lot about their performance orientation and the amount of pressure they put on themselves. Because here is the thing – most things are out of our control! Once you realize that all we control are our thoughts, feelings, and actions, you might want to try a different approach to defining success, that is a lot less stressful. 

Next, I introduce my clients to the ABC method of setting goals which approaches goal setting with a mastery mindset so that you can detach from the outcome in case you miss the goal. But you still learn from the experience by giving it your best effort. According to iPEC (the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching) the ABC-Game plan provides a safety net when things do not go as planned or you relied too heavily on others or things you cannot control when you set your goals. 

Your ”A” plan is your goal as you defined it. Plan “B” is exactly that – your backup plan with slightly lower expectations. If you cannot achieve plan “A” then how can you define an outcome that is still successful, even if you missed the mark by a little? Plan “C” is the backup to the backup plan. You still have a successful outcome if you approach everything you do with a mastery mindset. At a minimum, you will have a learning experience from anything you attempt to achieve. 

To some, this method may be perceived as setting the bar low, which is completely understandable in an environment where everything is measured in revenue and profits. Caring less about an outcome does not mean you don’t care. The truth is that by being mindful of what we can control, we allow for all of the uncontrollable to happen, and perform at our best in any given situation. This frees up much more energy, which would normally drain us from stress and anxiety, which we can now apply to the ABC Plan. 

If you care too much about your job and your performance at work and are completely stressed out about it, I encourage you to try this method and if you need help with it contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com. I am still accepting new clients for my signature program SOAR, which is a blueprint for professionals like you to transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life.

Have you ever been in the audience of a great illusionist like David Copperfield or Criss Angel knowing their magic tricks were defying logic, yet you were mesmerized and entertained by what you witnessed and left wondering “How did they do it”? These magicians or mentalists have mastered the art of creating illusions. 

Illusions are defined as an idea or a belief that is not true or something that is not really what it seems to be. When attending a magic show, we fully expect to experience illusions. But what if I told you that our daily lives are full of illusions? To make matters worse, the illusions we create at work and home are getting in the way of our happiness and success. They prevent us from reaching our full potential and from soaring. 

Let’s take a closer look at the illusions that can show up in our lives. In the coaching world, they are commonly referred to as “inner blocks”. Below are the four categories and their definitions according to iPEC (Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching).

1. 1. Limiting Beliefs
   2. Assumptions
   3. Interpretations
   4. Gremlins (more commonly referred to as our inner critic or saboteur)

Limiting Beliefs

A generalization, stereotype, or idea that you learned and accepted about yourself, the world, or other people that limits you in some way, e.g., women cannot become president of the United States or the CEO of a successful business.

Assumptions

An expectation that because something has happened in the past it will happen again., e.g. I was passed for that promotion because I am part of a minority, and that will prevent me from ever getting promoted. 

Interpretations

A story, opinion, or judgment that you create about an event, situation, person, or experience and believe to be true. This is a very common inner block. For example, you were in a meeting, and someone interrupted your mid-sentence. Your takeaway is that this person does not respect your perspective and as a consequence will not speak up again or dislike this person.

Gremlins

The inner voice that tells you in one way or another that you’re not good enough. Your gremlin is highly personal. It is the most intense emotional charge of any of the blocks. When your gremlin speaks it is hard not to listen.

All four of these inner blocks play tricks on your mind without you even realizing it. Frequently they run the show and create chaos and drama.  So, how can you escape these unwanted illusions and regain control? 

The answer is surprisingly simple. Now that you are aware of their existence you just have to ask yourself one simple question: “Is what I just experienced the truth or is it my perspective and perception of the truth?”. How will you know the difference? The truth does not require justification, it just is. In other words, the truth consists of the facts of the situation without any kind of interpretation being added. 

Don’t let illusions get in the way of your success. I encourage you to uncover them systemically and find the truth. Once you do, I predict you will SOAR. SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn) is the name of my signature coaching program, which helps professionals like you to transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life. Are you ready to SOAR?

At my Karate Dojo, we have a monthly word of inspiration. Some words from the past were confidence, self-respect, honesty, and goals. Our teacher provides students with positive guidance around these words, using quotes and stories to instill values in us, and asks the junior students questions related to the theme of the month. The word for this month is “nutrition”. Although my blog is about conscious career choices, this word gave me some food for thought. Allow me to connect the dots.

When it comes to fueling my body with nourishment, I would rate myself a strong seven out of 10 with 10 being the highest score. I go through phases. Sometimes I allow myself to slip for periods of time. For example, during vacations and travel or during the Holiday season I might fall to a five on the scale. Sometimes I get super focused and can maintain a nine or ten during committed periods of time. 

Our habits say so much about our values. Frequently we follow the principle of “monkey see, monkey do”, imitating the behavior of our surroundings, especially when we were younger.  But we can also do this as adults. At work, we emulate the behaviors of the leadership team, both good and bad, because it seems appropriate.  And in our private lives, we act similarly to the family and friends we surround ourselves with.  The problem with following others blindly is that we stop questioning the “why” behind the action. 

This is where the connection to coaching comes in. Coaching puts the “why” at the beginning of everything and reconnects you to your core values. Do you want to change the way you eat? Why? What do you value? Esthetics, health, performance, mobility, etc.? Whatever your reason for desiring change I am predicting that unless you connect to your why on a deep level, your odds of making changes that last are slim (no pun intended). 

This principle applies to everything not just nutrition; the way you think, the way you behave, the way you live, your relationships, your spirituality, your finances, you name it. As a coach, I created my signature program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn) for professionals to transform mindfully and with ease so that you can SOAR in all areas of your life. When working with new clients, my first step is to reconnect you to your why and explore your values, so that any changes you desire last.

If I have given you food for thought about making changes in your life, reach out to me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call.

Have you ever delayed an action that you knew would benefit your body, mind, and/or soul 100%, a choice that would change the trajectory of your career or life, a.k.a. a game changer? You may have desired that change for a very long time. For example, living healthier, changing your job because the culture is toxic, leaving your partner who no longer deserves you, moving to another country; but something kept you from pulling the trigger. 

It is human nature to avoid leaving our comfort zone and remain inactive. It is the “better-the-devil-you-know” attitude that prevents us from proceeding. It is fear holding us back and the higher the stakes, the more intense the self-imposed knot in our stomach grows. If you are currently facing this type of situation and you are on the precipice of making a game-changing choice in your life, let me share a few tips that might help you choose more wisely.

1. 1. Make a holistic choice

I am a very head-driven person, and my default modus operandi is to try and solve problems logically. However, we are holistic beings and when we only utilize our minds when facing a decision, we are missing out on all the available resources. Instead, I recommend the following: Ask yourself the question “if my heart had a voice, what would it tell me?” Repeat the same question and exchange “heart” with “mind” and “soul”. 

1. 2. Define your boundaries

Take out sticky notes and a big white piece of paper and come up with answers to the questions “I say yes to…” and “I say no to…”. What you say yes to is what you are inviting into your life and what you say no to are the things you are not willing to tolerate as you are moving forward. 

1. 3. Ask your future self for the answer

Fast forward and imagine yourself towards the end of your life. Looking back at the current situation, what would you have wanted to have chosen for yourself? Taking that perspective not only offers you a lifetime of experience and wisdom, but it may also shrink what might currently look insurmountable to a smaller, more manageable situation.

1. 4. Built a safety net

Ask yourself the question “what is the worst thing that could happen?”, then go through each of the answers and challenge the reality of that scenario. If you come to the realization that your fear is not a reality, or likely to happen, it takes the burdening energy out of the thought. If it is a real fear, come up with a plan on how to tackle it. 

1. 5. Get coached through the pain/gain model of action

The pain/gain model of action is an iPEC (Institute of professional excellence in coaching) decision-making tool that explores four factors with the client – the current and future pain and gain of a situation. Frequently we only look at external blocks holding us back from making a change, i.e. “I don’t have the money”. A coach will help you raise your awareness of the underlying inner blocks preventing you from making a change. Ask me for more information about this. 

1. 6. Look for the opportunities or the gifts

Ask yourself, “what are the opportunities or the gifts in this new situation?”. When we shift our perspective towards the “blessings in disguise”, we are more open-minded about the decision we are about to make, because a positive attitude shifts our energy up. 

I am about to make a big game-changing decision in my life. I am contemplating a return to Europe. While in the past my default reaction would have been to go into research mode and create an Excel spreadsheet about all of the pros and cons of living in one country vs. another, my heart is telling me that that reaction no longer serves me best. I consider myself fortunate to have so many more tools and options available to choose wisely.

If hiring a coach is that big decision that has been weighing on you, let’s talk. My signature coaching program called SOAR (the acronym stands for the four phases Seek, Outline, Awake, and Relearn) is a blueprint to help professionals like you transform mindfully and with ease so you can SOAR in all areas of your life. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call to find out if I am the right coach for you. 

Spring has sprung in the northern hemisphere and even if you live on the other side of the globe, you can probably relate to the energy that comes with this awakening of nature. I for one am happy about longer days, more sunshine, and birds chirping, and I can’t wait for the return of the hummingbirds to my balcony! I feel more alive again after our long and cold winter. Spring to me is truly transformational.   

Apart from literally waking up, awakening is also defined as an act or a moment of becoming suddenly aware of something, like having an aha moment. Do you remember the last time you had one of those moments, where unexpectedly a solution presented itself that was previously not visible, yet always there? It is that moment when a shift happens and learning and growth take place. 

Coaches are keenly aware of the power of these moments of awakening. Now, one aha moment is not enough to achieve a transformation, it is rather a continuation of reaching greater levels of awareness about one’s values, strengths and weaknesses, goals thoughts and behavior patterns, etc., But once you awaken there is no turning back. In fact, you are almost nearing the end of a complete transformation. Let me explain.

I created a coaching program that helps professionals transform mindfully and with ease. It is called SOAR and the acronym stands for the four phases of the program.

Phase 1: SEEK

Verb: To try to find or get something, especially something that is not a physical object.

In order to transform, you need to dig deep and connect to your “why”. What are your values? What is your purpose in life? What do you desire so much that you are willing to accept the growing pain of change along your journey? Think about the rewards at the end. 

Phase 2: OUTLINE

Verb: To describe something, for example, a plan or idea in a general way without giving too many details.

Within the second phase of your transformation, you get to dream big. Imagine the life you have always wanted to live and what it would be like to become the best version of yourself. You’ll get to outline the future you. 

Phase 3: AWAKE

Verb: To start to understand or feel something or to make someone start to understand or feel something.

As mentioned before, this is the point of no return. Once you have those aha moments about what has held you back in the past you are ready for the final transformational step.

Phase 4: RELEARN

Verb: To learn something again, after having forgotten or neglected it.

In the final phase of SOAR, you are taking back your power. You learn to let go of the past and practice how to raise your level of energy one thought at a time.  

I have undergone many transformations in my life, and while transformations can be extremely challenging in nature, the results make them so worthwhile. With my signature program SOAR you will receive not only a blueprint of how to transform mindfully and with ease, but you will also have me at your side as your coach and an abundance of resources to support you.

So, let me ask you this – is this springtime your wake-up call to take accountability for your life? Are you ready to SOAR? I would love to hear from you. Contact me at angela@belladonnacareercoach.com for a free discovery call. SOAR is available in a private, one-on-one setting or as a group coaching program.